<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>The things we believe in by Giving_Luffy_Freckles</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24256930">The things we believe in</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Giving_Luffy_Freckles/pseuds/Giving_Luffy_Freckles'>Giving_Luffy_Freckles</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bottom Dean Winchester/Top Sam Winchester, Episode Related, Ghost!Dean - Freeform, M/M, Original takes on spirit lore, Past Underage, Protective Dean, Quote: Sam and Dean Winchester are psychotically irrationally erotically codependent on each other, S2E01 In my time of dying, Secrets and exposition, Sibling Incest, Temporary Amnesia, Top Dean Winchester/Bottom Sam Winchester, alternate episode ending, ish, slight angst, temporary coma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:13:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>27,424</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24256930</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Giving_Luffy_Freckles/pseuds/Giving_Luffy_Freckles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>John doesn't make a deal, and Dean's stuck in a coma.<br/>Sam doesn't care what it'll take, he's going to save his brother.<br/>No matter what secrets are revealed.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, past Sam Winchester/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>60</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Part 1 (no smut)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is still unbetaed by my two regular betas, but I've been giving it a couple read-throughs, and figured I could post it as is.<br/>I'll likely come back to update it when it's been betaed, but until then..</p><p>THERE IS SMUT IN HERE Y'ALL.<br/>This is a one shot, but if you're uncomfortable reading smut, or specifically, underage incestous smut, I divided the story so that you can skip it, a brief summary of the chapter will be available on last chapter of this story.<br/>Sam is 13, then 17.<br/>If you're only here for the smut then I posted the version where it's just PWP.</p><p>Admittedly, this fic got kind of out of hand ahah.<br/>I wrote this as a break on a different fic, also spn, which is a rewrite of my first spn fic back in 2013 and it's a beast. </p><p>This fic does NOT focus on romance, and it is not meant to be seen as a healthy 'relationship' between them.</p><p>I don't own supernatural or any of it's characters, this work is pure fiction and imagination for entertainment purposes. </p><p>Enjoy:) </p><p>Oh, and title is from the song 'The things we believe in' by Orden Ogan - it has nothing to do with the story, I picked it randomly.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>**** = Time skip</span>
</p><p>
  <span>---- = POV. shift </span>
</p><p>
  <span>^^^ = Flashback/memory. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he first started to come to, the world was still black. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>it wasn’t like how you’d slowly entertain the thought of consciousness on an early morning, or how you’d slowly drift awake when you got to sleep in, no instead it felt more like a flicker and bam, there he was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He blinked a couple of times, trying to focus on the picture in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had no idea where the hell he was (</span>
  <em>
    <span>because it certainly didn’t look like the impala</span>
  </em>
  <span>), the last thing he could remember were the demon in his dad's body holding him in place, as well as the numbing pain in his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the world around him finally stilled, slow enough for him to get the picture, he looked around. He’s in a hallway of a hospital, no doubt the bone white walls, the people in scrubs bustling around all over and the ass clenching sterile smell coating the place could be anything else. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now that he had an idea of where, he needed the </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean turns around and, upon seeing them, walks back towards some stairs to sit down on the side closer to the wall. He thinks, trying to recall why he’d be in a hospital, and, more importantly, why was he alone in a hallway? Where was Dad and Sam? Had they brought him to the hospital? Had he been possessed? Had he passed out? Confused, he walks over to the nurse's station where a woman is sitting, square glasses sitting on top of a round button nose. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me miss” He says, leaning a little on top of the counter while placing a charming smile on his lips. He expects her to look up and smile back, ask in a fakely sweet voice </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘what can I do for you hun’</span>
  </em>
  <span> or something like that, her black hair falling around her square face in short length. So imagine his surprise when she completely ignores him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean respects women, don’t get him wrong on that, but he also knows the effect he has, his looks have almost always been in his favour and he is a flirt, he enjoys making women feel good and intimacy is just an overall amazing thing, but he rarely gets ignored to </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>extent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now usually he’d be all for getting the rejection for what it is, but in a hospital? Yeah, no.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He coughs once. Then again, harsher this time , before standing up straight, the charming grin off his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay lady listen here, I don’t know what your deal is but my family is here somewhere and probably worried sick, so if I were you I’d answer me right the hell now.” He pushes down guilt for maybe being a bit too harsh on her, but that thought is quickly chased away by notes of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Samsamsam</span>
  </em>
  <span> and </span>
  <em>
    <span>Needtomoveneedtoleaveneedto </span>
  </em>
  <span>he stands still for about 10 seconds watching her, she doesn’t give any indications that she heard him and Dean’s nerves are shot to all hell already, so he doesn’t give it another thought before slamming down on the counter, the air from the force knocking some papers off and onto the floor, she startles and looks up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean’s relief lasts about a heartbeat before she looks to the sides, ignoring his face completely. Anger coursing through his veins, he’s about to give this lady a piece of his mind when the lightbulb on her desk flickers and fizzles out. Dean’s eyes track the movement as his eyebrows furrow. He gathers a hold on his temper and takes a deep breath, before glancing to the waiting room. Looking around and taking note of who’s there, which is not many.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a small family with parents attempting to calm their children, a middle aged woman reading some health magazine and an elderly man checking the time. He walks over to stand in front of him, waving his hand a couple of times in front of his wrist watch, but the man doesn’t make any sounds of protest, he doesn’t react at all actually. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In fact, it’s like Dean doesn’t exist.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stumbling a couple steps back, blinking furiously as he looks down at himself, realising that that were probably the first thing he should have done, his hands tremble a little but they’re there, he’s wearing blue hospital scrubs and is barefoot, which makes zero sense because the floor doesn’t feel cold, and upon that thought he has another realization.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He leans down to touch the floor, and while he can feel the surface, he doesn’t feel any texture or temperature from it. Frowning and moving to stand back up, touching his arm, it’s similar to the floor, and that freaks him out a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaking his head in an attempt to reach a moment of clarity, he breathes out a sigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Guess he’ll have to try and find Sam and Dad on his own.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking back to the nurse station, the fleeting thought of going back there to check the files, but chances are that the woman there’ll most likely notice if things start movin’ by themselves, so he turns back the way he came from and walks down the hallway, dodging doctors and patients alike very gracefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At least that’s what he’s telling himself and he’s not going to dwell more on it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks through every doorway he passes, he’s busy looking to the side so he doesn’t see the man in front of him before it’s too late, he attempts to step aside but he collides with him anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or, well, collide isn’t the word he’d use, Dean is stuck to the floor as he re-enacts what just happened in his mind, seeing as the guy </span>
  <em>
    <span>just walked through him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, that was peachy. Good thing Sammy didn’t see it or else he’d go all freaky about it and probably ask me how it felt, or he’d make a joke about it. Okaay Winchester, you’re talking to yourself, time to stop.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean shakes his head again, yet somehow still able to hear Sam’s voice in his mind saying ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>wow Dean how did it feel having a man inside you</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ and then laughing about it. He speeds up, and at the end of the hall he rounds the corner to the right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Trying to avoid having people pass through him, but it’s not that easy. Finally at the end of the hall he spots a tall man with long, shaggy brown hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean speeds up again and nearly runs to Sam, stopping just in front of him. His smile slowly dies on his lips at the look of his brother, his face bruised, a cut lip and glassy eyes.   </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sammy..” Dean tries, but obviously Sam can’t hear him and walks right through him, giving Dean an eyeful of what’s in the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which he’d normally call for eyecandy, but not in these circumstances. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because all he sees is himself in a hospital bed, machines and tubes wired everywhere around and on him, isn’t doesn’t even look like he’s breathing by himself. He wants to walk over to his body, but if he doesn’t follow Sam now then he won’t know where their dad is, and then by default, where Sam’ll be if he’s not with Dean’s body. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wow, that sounded weird to say. Dean looks to where Sam’s back was hurriedly retreating and sprints after him till he’s beside him, looking him over, instinctively checking for any injuries besides the bruises and lip, and then calculating their seriousness, it’s been a habit ingrained in him since well, ever. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam looks fine besides the small cuts here and there, as well as the bruises, but he’s walking and talking and that’s all Dean could want. Sam stops outside a room and takes a deep breath before he enters, Dean notes the room number before following. John is sitting up in a hospital bed, one arm bandaged, but besides that he seems fine. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looks up at Sam who just entered his room, he doesn’t give any indication he’s noticed Dean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sam.” John says, Sam looks up at the mention of his name, his jaw is clenched as he sits down besides John’s hospital bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did they say about Dean?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They.. They’re not sure if he’s going to wake up.” Sam tells John about what the doctor told him, Dean gives a small laugh at how, even though he can’t feel anything physically, he’s still able to feel the coolness of dread in his stomach.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Head trauma? What a lame way to die- </span>
  </em>
  <span>He thinks dryly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But it doesn’t matter” Dean’s head snaps up to Sam, disbelief on his face because did Sam actually just say that? </span>
  <em>
    <span>That Dean doesn't matter?</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll find someone to help him.” Sam says stubbornly and Dean breathes a sigh of relief because of course Sam wouldn’t think, would never actually say that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We will look, anywhere we can, but Sam.. We don’t know if we’ll find someone.” John says solemnly and Sam clenches his jaw so tightly Dean can hear his teeth grind. John ignores it and procures his wallet from the side, opens it and hands Sam a blue card.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here, it’s my insurance. Give them that, for Dean’s treatments.” Sam stares at the card before taking it, and slamming it down angrily onto his lap. Dean tries to stop it, but obviously his hand goes through Sam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that seriously all we can do? A fucking card and just ‘hope for the best’? Really?” He snarls in John’s face. Dean can feel the tension in the room go up, can practically see it from all the repeated performances. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll find someone, Someone who can help Dean!” Sam repeats.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what makes you so sure, huh?” John breathes out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve done it before. I’ll do it again, no matter the cost.” </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“That faith healer was maybe one in a million, Sam.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So? One, that’s all I need.” John sighs at Sam’s stubbornness, Dean feels himself relax slightly as the oncoming fight seems to be averted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course we’ll check under every stone, every rock Sam. But this? That search, it’s going to take time.” John looks sternly at Sam to make sure he gets the message across, the ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Time we don’t have</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ left unsaid, but ringing clearly in Sam’s ears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John sits back against the bed again, Dean looks worryingly between them as Sam cradles the blue card in his hands before standing up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam’s about to leave the room (likely to give the doctors the card), Dean trailing after when John speaks up again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where’s the colt, son?” Sam stops and tenses, Dean can see the rage on his face and in his narrowed eyes as he straightens, slowly turning to face their father with danger rolling off him in waves. John narrows his eyes at Sam, and Dean knows the fight wasn’t averted but just postponed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The colt?” Sam asks, his voice still and calm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughs a dry laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your son is dying, and you’re worried about the colt?” he asks again, his voice portraying a cold fury Dean’s only heard from him a couple times before, he moves between them, ready to stop them from tearing at each other if it should come to that, the position ingrained into him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This accident? Was no accident, son. Now we may be hunting this demon, but now he’s hunting us too. We’re gonna </span>
  <em>
    <span>Need </span>
  </em>
  <span>that gun.” John replied sternly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I get it, dad. Trust me, I do. But right now we have to focus on helping Dean!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, right now we have to focus on security. Now where is the damn gun!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe you. Dean is dying and all you care about is the colt!? If I didn’t know any better, It’d say you cared more about finding the demon than you do Dean!” Sam half snarls and half  shouts at John, who looks shocked, then angry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>that’s not true.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do I?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean looks between them as Sam subconsciously steps closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay you two cut it out.” he tries, they don’t hear him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want to help Dean, and I will, I just need the gun”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Help him? How is revenge going to help him!?”  Sam shouts, John shouts back at Sam, but Dean can’t hear it over Sam’s own shouts, he hears Sam call John a selfish bastard and gets closer. He sees their breaths visualise, but it doesn’t stop him from calling out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Will you two PLEASE JUST STOP!” He shouts, putting all his will and feelings into it, all the lightbulbs in the room pop with the sound of broken glass, a nearby glass of water cracks on the counter besides John’s bed. They both stop and look at each other, Sam in confused surprise, John in suspicious surprise, Dean would almost say his father looked scared. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They look around the room, Dean can’t say he’s surprised when their eyes completely move past him, but he still can’t quite dwell that feeling of disappointment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>John looks like he’s about to speak when Sam cuts him off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna go meet up with Bobby, since he’s coming to tow the impala.” He says and turns around to leave, but not before laying the insurance card on the bed. Dean doesn’t trail after Sam (not that he thinks he can), he watches his father stare broodingly at the glass on his table, and at the shards laying around on the floor.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean doesn’t like the pit he feels in his stomach. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>John silently swings his legs over the bed's edge and pushes himself up and then leaves the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean trails silently after him, curious to see where he’s going - If he’s following Sam. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He finds a nurse who smiles worryingly at him, sputtering the usual nonsense of ‘ you shouldn’t be out of bed this early, you should take care’ yadda yadda, it’s all stuff he doesn’t bother listening to so he tunes it out and watches his father give the nurse his fake insurance card. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Insurance for my son, please use it.. Can you show me to his room?” John asks in such a timid voice Dean has to do a double take, for a moment he reconsiders if the demon actually left his dad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse smiles sadly and sympathetically, she nods and asks for him to follow, John smiles in a thank you and Dean jokingly says christo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Walking down the hallway behind the nurse and his dad, Dean is once more let to his room. He avoids looking directly at himself and instead focuses on his dad who looks at him with something akin to grief. Dean decides he doesn’t like that look.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Dean..” John says and Dean’s eyes harden.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sorry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s sorry? For what? For the accident he didn’t cause, for the demon who burned their life to the ground for whatever reason, for what?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For giving up on him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hell no.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cut the crap. I don’t need your apologies.” He speaks a harsh laugh before he continues, voice getting louder on each syllable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Come on, Dad. You gotta help me. I gotta get better, I gotta get back in there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You haven't called a soul for help. Aren't you gonna do anything? Aren't you even gonna say anything? I've done everything you've ever asked me. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Everything.</span>
  </em>
  <span> I've given everything</span>
  <em>
    <span> I've ever had!</span>
  </em>
  <span> Now you're just gonna sit there and </span>
  <em>
    <span>watch </span>
  </em>
  <span>me </span>
  <em>
    <span>die</span>
  </em>
  <span>? I mean what the hell kinda father are you?" he yells, and oh so wishes John could hear him. Dean hears the distant sound of another light bulb popping, but he ignores it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He leaves the room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>----</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam can’t believe his father. He won’t even attempt to try and understand that.. Recklessly harmful, bordering on destructive way of thinking, he just won't.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s a little ways from the hospital, an open field where he’s meeting Bobby who’s going to take the Impala back to his place. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sees the truck drive in to park next by him, it stops as Bobby exits the vehicle and steps out towards Sam.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam hasn’t told Bobby what the doctor said yet, he wanted to discuss it face-to-face with the other man, he deserves that much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yet he can still see the way Bobby slumps, like there’s something heavy on his shoulders and Sam guesses even though he hasn’t said anything yet, that Bobby still somehow knows. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The older hunter stops in front of him, tips his trucker hat, and in a gruff voice says;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Howdy Sam.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam smiles sadly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Bobby.” Sam can see him study him, can see that whatever information Sam’s got - it isn’t  good, and swallows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any news on’ Dean?” he asks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They said they don’t know if he’ll wake up Bobby.” If his voice cracks, they both ignore it and a tense silence falls. Sam decides this is probably the best opportunity he’s going to get to spill the rest, he looks down afraid to look him in the eye all of a sudden.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s.. There’s more.” he says, taking a deep breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think Dean.. I, well. Somehow-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Spit it out boy!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think Dean’s around. Like, an outer body experience.” He can hear Bobby inhaling and exhaling, before he risks looking back up - The elder man’s expression is crushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sam..” He starts, carefully, and Sam can already tell he’s not going to like whatever he’s about to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If that’s truly what’s goin’ on.. Then..Alright there’s no easy way to say this so I’ll just say it” He says as he shakes his head before capturing and holding Sam’s eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If Dean’s around, you know that means he’s trapped between life and death, he’s in the veil, Sam… Dean’s not gonna last long” He finishes, choking up mid sentence as he looks at Sam with glassy eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Dammit I know Bobby.. I know, that’s why we gotta do something!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He takes a breath to control himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll just.. We’ll find some mojo or something and lay it on him, then he’ll recover. “</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam knows he’s desperate, goddammit he’s no idiot, but this is </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dean</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean, who’s always been a presence at his side, Dean who watches out for him, who’d do anything for him, who taught and showed him everything he knows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s not going to lose him. He just won’t accept it, even if he has to tear down the world itself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just won’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam can see that Bobby wants to fight, to argue about this, but something stops him because he doesn’t say anything. He just shakes his head and breathes a low ‘Okay. Okay’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Bobby. For not giving up on us, on Dean.” Sam says and hugs the man, and only then does he let himself weep for his brother.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby just takes it in stride and clasps him on the shoulder a couple of times, holding him tight like a father would his son, and Sam is so, so grateful to have Bobby in his life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he feels slightly more gathered, he lets go, the other hunter touching his shoulder a final time before stepping back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam clears his throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So. Right uh, we’re going to need some stuff.” He says, Bobby nods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll try ‘n think of something. In the meantime maybe try and communicate with Dean, see if he knows anything.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You think Dean’s gonna know what to do?” Sam asks, a little surprised.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, not in the slightest, but you never know and.. I’d like it if we covered all bases ya’ kno?” He says. Sam nods in agreement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, well. I’m gonna tow the car back to my place ‘n dig around a little.” He says and gestures with a hand back towards his truck. Sam thinks back to when he last saw the car and gives a shaky laugh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right.” He fingers his hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean is going to be so pissed.” Bobby laughs in agreement before he turns back towards his truck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam watches him drive off, as he stands and formulates a plan.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean doesn’t know how, but he knows the exact moment Sam’s back inside the hospital. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d been walking around the hospital a little before he (reluctantly) went back to his own room, and he feels admittedly a little weird having sat and been starin’ at himself in a coma on the bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hears the sounds of Sam’s boots on the sterile floor and looks up from the corner, Sam gives Dean’s body a sad once over before sitting down in the middle of the room. He’s carrying a brown paper bag, and looks around smiling a little awkwardly, Dean moves to stand in front of him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dean.. Please don’t make fun of me for this but, I think you’re around. So..” He pauses, and (are you freaking kidding me Sam) moves to pull out an ouija board from the bag. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean laughs a little, because how couldn’t he? A freaking ouija board? Wow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sits down in front of Sam, who's taking a deep breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God I feel like I’m at a slumber party,” Dean says, and it’s true, maybe he should braid Sam’s hair, get some tea for them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dean.. Are you here?” Sam asks, and Dean honestly feels like hitting the kid upside his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He reaches out to touch the board, slowly moving it up towards yes, Sam’s face splits in a dimply but relieved smile. Dean would be pleased with himself if he wasn’t so surprised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’ll be damned,” he says to himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam exhales a shaky breath as he continues talking to Dean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god it’s good to hear from you Dean.” Sam says in a breathy voice, Dean smiles at his dorky kid brother.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna save you Dean. Even if I have to tear the world apart. I will save you, whatever it takes.” Sam says and looks up to where Dean sits, Dean almost forgets Sam can’t see him and nods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He moves the board again, Sam’s eyes track the movement and reads every letter outloud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“T-H-A-N-K, Thanks? For what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-O-T-G-I-V-I-N-G-U-P-S-A-M-M-Y, of course Dean. I would never give up on you.” He looks back up, his eyes a little shiny, Dean lets go of the board and moves to stand up? Wait, what, a stinging hot pain shoots up in his chest and Dean can’t seem to get up from the floor, much less hear the sound of people running into his room. He looks up and sees an apparition in front of him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“H-HEY” He tries to yell with his pained voice, the apparition gives no sign to have heard him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He forces himself to stand and stumbles over and grabs at it, it gives a shriek and moves out of his hands, out of the door faster than the eye can see. Dean blinks and watches his pulse return, turns around and sees Sam standing in the corner, tears down his face and Dean’s instincts go haywire, and he will hunt down that son of a bitch because no one, No fucking one gets to harm his brother in any way and lives to tell the tale. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean feels a short moment of confusion at himself, but figures it's just his usual gig, especially when it comes to Sam. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean sees the doctors leave after getting him stabilised, Sam sits down in front of the board so fast he almost completely crashes to the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean, you still here?” He asks, voice shaky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean sits down opposite of him again, and moves it to Yes once more. Sam exhales and slumps in his shoulders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened?” He asks. Dean starts moving it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-U-N-T, Hunt? Are you being hunted? Are you on a hunt?” He asks, Dean snickers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dammit Sammy one question at a time.” He moves it to yes anyways. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean thinks back to the apparition, it didn’t look familiar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-H-I-T-E, something white? A spirit? But no why would a spirit be hunting you, uhm.. “ Sam says, biting his lip in thought. Dean moves it again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-A-D-J-O-U-R-N, Oh right. I’ll look in Dad’s journal and see if there’s something in there. Hang tight okay?” He says and gets up, he places the board on the stand next to Dean’s bed and leaves the room, Dean’s eyes trailing his body till he’s out of frame. He contemplates going after him - But wouldn’t that be a bit weird? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, not that Sam could see him anyways. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugs and decides to go after Sam, walking down the hallway towards their fathers room when he hears someone yell. He stops and looks back over his shoulder, down to where the staircase is, a dark haired woman is yelling at people passing her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can’t you see me?!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why won’t anyone look at me!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello!? Hey! Why won’t you just look at me!” She yells hysterically at every passerby, Dean walks up to her with his hands raised, eyes on her. She stops and looks at him, full on eye contact before she hurries in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you see me?” he asks her, she nods quickly, har dark hair bobbing in the motion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right. Names Dean. What’s yours?” He asks her, hoping she’s coherent enough to answer calmly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tessa. My name’s Tessa. What’s going on? Why is nobody looking at us, am I… Are we dead?” she asks Dean, and he feels slight sympathy for her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why would you think you’re dead?” he asks her instead. She looks at him, contemplating, biting her lip (kinda like Sammy does) and nods at him, turning around and heading back up the stairs, Dean follows her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She leads him to a room where a lady is sitting with, what Dean assumes is her daughter (and Tessa) who’s in a hospital bed, lookin’ just as out of it as he did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is a dream.” She says, likely to herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not.” He says to her, she turns her face to look at him. “And how can you be so sure?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dealin’ with crazy’s kinda my job. You ever heard of an outer body experience?” she looks at him and furrows her brows as she shakes her head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you some sort of new age guy?” she asks him, he laughs slightly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You see me messing with crystals or listening to Yanni? It's actually a very old idea." He makes sure he has her attention before he continues, “I think it’s happening to us. Which means if it is, it means that we’re spirits of bodies very close to death.” Her eyes widen slightly before she looks back at her body, whispering lowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are we going to die?” she asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” he says, and he fully believes it. She looks back at him, a bit skeptical before she takes a deep breath (do spirits have lungs??) and walks away from her room, down the corridor leading to the stairs. Dean follows her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looks calm, well calmer than before, Dean is a little impressed by how well she’s taking the news. It’s not often that happens, but it makes the job easier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I must say, I’m glad and a little surprised you’re taking this so well.” He tells her as much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looks at him, a small smile on her lips as her eyes travel around the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, I was freaked out at first, but.. Whatever happens, happens.” She looks back at him again and stops walking, smiling at him. Dean isn’t liking it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fate.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean unconsciously steps back a couple from her, a sneer on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a load of crap.” Her smile doesn’t waver.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You always have a choice! You either roll over and die, or you can keep fighting’!” He says, he’s about to go back into her space when doctors come running in front and through him, he turns around and watches as they’re trying to get a girl's pulse back up. The white apparition is nowhere in sight, but still he attempts to grab at the air.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The girl dies anyway, and Dean slows back in defeat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He leaves the room, Tessa is gone, but at the moment he doesn’t care and goes to find his brother. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean finds Sam in their dad's room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean isn’t surprised to see his brother there, dads journal open and already sheets of paper all around on the floor. John is leaning slightly from his bed to look down at Sam, his brows furrowed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean places himself next to Sam (not that Sam can see him) and looks at his papers, as he looks through the journal.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sam.” John says, Sam ignores him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hears his dad sigh and watches him reach out, taking the journal.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sam, just. Calm down. You barge in, take the journal, and start writing on every damn paper in sight, but will you just talk to me about what’s going on?!” He says, Sam clenches his jaw.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Funny how you say that, seeing as everytime I asked the same thing of you, all you did was tell me to stop asking and ‘do as you say’.” John rolls his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s different.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How?!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well for one, I knew what I was doing”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh so I don’t?” John ignores him and continues,</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And for the other, I always tell you and your brother the necessary details of a hunt. You’d just decide it wasn’t enough. You’ve always been like that, wanting to know all the hows, and whys - but it’s not always going to be available” John says and Dean hears Sam exhale loudly, and expects them to start another fight, but Sam just squares his shoulders and reaches out his hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine. You wanna help? Great. But no secrets dad. This is for Dean’s sake.” Sam says, John doesn’t say anything to that, doesn’t even give him defiant eyes, just nods mutely.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Satisfied, Sam takes back the journal.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So earlier, with the.. Light bulbs, I felt like.. I felt like Dean was here. So, I got an ouija board. Turns out he was” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You what? Dean did that?” John asks with wide eyes, Sam gives him a confused look.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What else did you think it was?” Sam asks, eyes narrowing in suspicion</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, but I didn’t think it was Dean.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right.. But yeah I was surprised too. So I talked to Dean and he told me he’s being hunted by something.” John looks interested at the aspect of a hunt, Dean isn’t surprised.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s on a hunt? What’s he hunting?” He asks, Sam shrugs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He doesn’t know. All he said was it was white, and that I should check your journal.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>John snickers slightly and both Sam and Dean do a double take, granted it’s mocking Sam, but Dean hasn’t seen his dad smile like that for years. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sam, I hate to brin’ it to you, but had you just say down ‘n focused for a while, it’d have been pretty clear on what we’re dealin’ with.” He says, Sam just looks at their father who gestures around the room, and Sam’s eyes go comedianly wide. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A reaper.” He says and immediately goes through page after page in John’s journal before stopping on reapers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean steps in closer to read over Sam’s shoulders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Son of a bitch” he says. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t notice the papers flying about, nor Sam and their dads expressions as he leaves the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t have to walk far, as on the bed in the next room he passes, Tessa is sitting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her clothes are different, and she’s smiling up at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello Dean.” She says, Dean strides into the room with a scowl on his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s funny.. I figured you might just be a tad bit weird, you know with your fate crap, but really. Reading can teach you the strangest things, for example did you know that reapers can alter human perception?” He asks her, she doesn’t look surprised and he doesn’t expect her to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why are you toying with me?” She smiles coily at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well Dean, you didn’t give me much of a choice.” she says, Dean motions for her to go on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The way you freaked when you saw my true form didn’t exactly make a conversation possible.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Conversation?” he asks, unsure he heard it right.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just want to talk, Dean.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Talk? What the hell is there to talk about?” he asks her, voice raising a bit with impatience. She smiles at him, stands up and walks towards him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Everything in this universe dies at some point. Dean, it’s your time to go.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He glares at her and she lays a hand on his arm, his eyes track the movements.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I understand you’re afraid, but death is nothing to fear.” emotions well up in his stomach and at the base of his spine, he doesn’t want to leave. He can’t. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I” he starts, swallows, before continuing. “You have to make an exception. I can’t leave, my family.. They need me.” She moves closer again and presses her hand on his cheek, she smiles sadly at him and he doesn’t like it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not the first soldier I’ve plucked from the field. They all say the same, they’re needed, that victory hangs in the battle, but the fight goes on without you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not over. My Brother, he-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It is for you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He might die if I’m not there.”  She finally steps back, she shrugs a little.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe he will, maybe he won’t. There’s nothing you can do about it.” He searches her face, he sees the sympathy, but that it’s only necessary.  He shakes his head, he can’t leave and risk Sam’s life, not on his watch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s an honourable death, a warrior's one.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t know if she’s talking about him or Sam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not that it matters, because Sam’s not going to die.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s no such thing as an honourable death.”  He steps further away from her, resolve clear on his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. I won’t go, no matter what you decide to do.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighs, the sympathizing aura slightly diminished before she speaks up again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were right. Earlier, there is always a choice - I can’t force you to go with me.” she says that, and Dean feels hope budding slightly inside him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But you can’t go back into your body. Stuck here for centuries, it might drive you mad. Maybe even make you violent.” she says and Dean’s eye ticks because what? Does that mean..</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His thought process is obviously displayed on his face, she looks at him with a quirked lip.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh Dean, how do you think angry spirits are born? They can’t let go, and they can’t move on. Are you prepared to become what you hunt?” she asks, and Dean’s frozen on his feet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Him, become a ghost? An angry spirit, a poltergeist maybe? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Could he do that? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He walks towards her when he feels a weight on his chest, and looks down to see the amulet hanging there, though he’s sure he’s not actually wearing it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Could he really become a monster, the same thing they hunt, and be fine with it?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, he couldn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he’d do it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For Sam.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s time Dean. And there’s no going back later.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stretches out her hand towards him, he reaches out for it, but instead of taking it he pushes it away to the side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t go.” he says, and she sees the regret in his eyes. She nods and disappears, leaving Dean alone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam and John stare at each other for a couple of seconds before he moves to pick up the papers that spilled from his hands and onto the floor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well, at least his dad can’t tell him Dean isn’t around. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“ So. Reaper.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. But Sam, if this reaper is just here to do its job, then there’s no way to stop it.” Sam looks up at his dad, and dammit he knows, he knows but.. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Still, we have to try. For Dean.” He hears John sigh (oh yeah sure, because it’s sooo tiresome to deal with his son trying to save his other son’s life) and tampers down the anger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay son. We’ll try. I doubt Dean’s still in here though. We gotta figure out ways to talk to him” he says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s still the board. I’ll go get it from Dean’s room.” Sam puts the journal down, leaves his father for a moment. When he gets back, John is writing down information on different types of reapers and what to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got the board, I guess now we’ll just have to wait for Dean to get back.” Sam lets himself think for a moment and wonders why his brother left the room in the first place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think the reaper has taken Dean?” he voices, voice so low he’s unsure if John heard him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know Sam. I hope not, but it’s hard to say when we can’t see him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you think he left the room?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam sighs, he can’t really blame his father, it’s not like he has a better idea. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right.” cue the awkward silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wishes he had his laptop, that’d make the research go a lot faster, but there’s only one journal so Sam sits by the board on the floor, listening to the sound of pen on paper as his dad scribbles away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s about ten minutes of doing nothing when he gets a tingly feeling, like he’s being watched. He sits up straight and looks around, looks at John who's still nose deep in papers (and he says he’s a research freak), he doesn’t see anyone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dean?” he asks, he knows he won’t get a reply, so he gestures to the board. He hears his dad put the papers aside to look at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean, is that you?” the boards move to yes. Sam smiles again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We figured it out. Or well, you probably know that, but in case you don’t - it’s a reaper.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The board is moved away from yes, and then back again. He sees the board move again, before he gets to speak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“G-O-N-E, What?? Is the reaper gone??” The board moves to yes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam looks behind him at John, but he looks as confused as Sam feels.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was the reaper stationed here? Like, did it work here, or go after you specifically?” John asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-E-R-E” Dean spells out with his fingers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t make sense. Why would a reaper just leave you?” Sam muses aloud, he isn’t expecting an actual response, but Dean moves the board anyways.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“W-E-T-A-L-K-E-D, you talked to the reaper?” It moves to yes, before moving again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-H-E-L-E-F-T, she?” he starts, but Dean continues,”I-S-T-A-Y” Sam looks up to where he assumes Dean is. He chews on his bottom lip and feels his eyes sting, he avoids to blink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She asked you to go with her? Is that it?” He asks, Dean confirms it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>John puts his hand on Sam’s shoulder, and Sam’s so surprised by the unusual show of affection he jumps a little. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Son.. Dean is in a coma, he’d have died if he went with her. But he may as well be dead now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam swirls around to glare at his dad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. We’re going to save Dean, no matter what it takes.” Lightbulbs fizzles around them and Sam feels like Dean is asking them not to fight, he forces himself to calm down and takes a deep breath.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Let’s get out of here and research whatnot at Bobby’s house.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sam we don’t know if Dean can come with us or not” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll try the board when we arrive, if he’s not there then I’ll go back every day and keep him updated.” Sam says, making sure his dad knows he won’t compromise. Not this time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t wait around to see if John follows him out the door of the room, but he does hear his footsteps so he counts it as a win.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>*</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>They ditch the car they hotwired about a mile out from Sioux Falls and have Bobby come and pick them up to drive them the rest of the way.  During the ride, Sam fills him in as John stays quiet, Bobby nods mutedly but Sam can tell he’s slightly upset by the news of Dean’s maybe oncoming death. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s quick work after that, piling into Bobby’s living room as he and John work on getting different books on healing, different rituals and some on spirits and outer body experiences.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam puts down the ouija board that he brought and places it on the floor, he waits a couple of minutes before settling down in front of it and places his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean, did you follow us from the hospital? Are you here?” He asks, and the board starts to move slowly towards yes. Sam breathes a breath of relief. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s great, good.” he stops touching the board and moves it to a table in the corner and joins the others in the living room again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dean followed from the hospital.” John and Bobby don't stop what they’re doing, but John grunts to let Sam know he heard him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby stands with a thick red book in his hands, clears his throat and opens it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This book should help us navigate Dean as a spirit, though it’s not in english it might take some time to translate it, but it’ll likely do us good that we do.” He’s looking at Sam as he talks, and Sam steps forth and takes the book, a silent agreement on the job as he nods and gets his laptop out, settles himself in the corner, getting ready to translate. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>----</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean is bored.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It doesn’t matter how close he is, how loud he is or how annoying he is, Sam can’t hear him and he feels slightly childish over how bothered he is by it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Doesn’t help that Sam is entering research mode, and when he enters research mode, he needs someone to look out for him. And the only person who can do it is him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s always been his duty, and god knows the kid needs it - If Dean didn’t watch out for him he’d go days without sleeping, eating, showering, you know. Basic self care.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And now that Dean’s not there, well not physically, there’s no one to make sure Sam takes care of himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t blame dad or Bobby for not being able to do it, they don’t know Sam as well as Dean does, and they never will. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okaaay we’re stopping right there, that’s weird. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaking his head, he peers at what Sam’s typing rapidly on his computer, he’s not sure how long it’s been, but he’s pretty sure when Sam started it was light outside, and now it’s dark.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam needs to eat, so Dean tries to grab his attention somehow, to signal it’s time for dinner. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even though there is no dinner made, knowing Bobby there's bound to be something in the kitchen… Somewhere, he’s not sure where but somewhere. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean tries to focus, to pinpoint all his awareness into his fingertips and the lights in the room flicker. Dean can see the other men looking around the room (likely for him) but Sam’s attention’s still on his laptop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean doesn’t want to touch it in case it ruins Sam’s notes, so he attempts pushing the book beside him from the table. He touches the book, but his fingers go right through.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tries to concentrate his awareness again, to his fingertips, not getting distracted by the flickers and blinks as he touches the book cover again, and holler in victory as he manages to drag it from the table, startling Sam out of his stupor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What??” He says looking around the room, at the men who're looking back at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby closes a book and walks closer, picking up the book Dean pushed off the table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Think Dean’s tryna tell you somethin’” he says, voice gruff and contemplative.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam looks from the book to Bobby, he gets up and goes to the ouija board.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean’s getting really tired of having to use it as his only means of communication.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam places the board on the table next to his laptop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it, Dean?” he asks, Dean notes he sounds tired.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He moves his hands over E-A-T, Sam scoffs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s he sayin?” asks Bobby, who moves to pear over Sam’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean spells out ‘S-A-M-E-A-T’ this time knowing Bobby’s looking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s telling Sam to eat dinner?” Bobby asks, more a question than a statement, Dean hears John, and he has to do a double take because it actually sounds like he’s laughing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam looks as mortified as Dean, he too takes a double take and blinks a couple of times as if to ensure himself he’s still awake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>John sees the way Sam’s staring, and he scoffs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even as a spirit, Dean’s still Dean.” he says, and Sam’s eyes glaze over slightly as he smiles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean doesn’t like that look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah… he is” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean walks over to the cupboard, takes a moment to concentrate and starts gripping handles to open them. It works and he feels a dab of success as he locates some canned sauces and pasta. He slams the cupboard before opening it again so make the others aware.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hears Bobby walk over to where Dean is.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dean found some pasta it seems. He did always know where everything is, I’ll cook some up for you Sam, just a mo’” Bobby grips a random can, this one with tomato sauce, some pasta and gets to work. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It only takes Sam a day to translate the book.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’re all sitting in front of Sam and his laptop, Dean’s standing behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, this book was written by a man who died but came back to life from a spell, and basically he’s talking about what he experienced. That was also what made him research more about spirits, and he wrote it down here.When he met the reaper who was going to take him, he learned that reapers can’t force you, and had he not come back to life would he had remained a spirit on earth,” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam stops to breathe for a moment, Dean waits for him to get it, a metaphorical hand settles on his brother's shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam tenses and Dean knows he’d figured it out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This means all violent spirits, they were all created like this. They didn’t leave with their reaper, instead they stayed because they couldn’t let go.” Sam looks up at Bobby and John.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Dean didn’t go with the reaper. He chose to stay.” Sam says, and Dean knows, just knows he’d rather have yelled it at Dean, than tell those two. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t that a good thing though Sam?” Bobby asks. John doesn’t ask, but Dean can see him consider different possibilities, though chances are he’s waiting to get all info. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well. After he was revived, he decided to talk to different creatures, summon ghosts, even summoning a reaper. He learned that all ghosts are basically human souls without their vessel, but not all of the soul. When a human dies, the soul leaves the body to go who knows where, but if the spirit stays on earth, the soul becomes disconnected to the body. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It also depends on the souls emotions, the more intense longing or rage, the quicker a learner it is - the really angry and bad ones, give it enough time and you got yourself a nasty poltergeist. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, it says here, and get this, that spirits who choose to stay become their emotions. They stop being rational after a while, because they’re hurt, confused and can’t let go, they slowly become more and more violent and more and more angry, which is how benevolent spirits are born.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>While Dean didn’t know all of it, he got the gist from Tessa. He shudders a little anyways, and wishes he could feel comfort from Sam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So lemme get this straight-” Bobby starts, “If we don’t get Dean back into his body soon, he may become violent?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam looks up and nods at Bobby and John.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hears the men curse their respective curses, but his focus is on Sam, who swallows before he continues.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right. Uhm, so. Dean, who has already shown that he’s actually able to touch things are faster to develop. It also says spirits are attached to a specific item, it doesn’t have to be their body. So chances are that Dean’s tethered to something of his” Sam’s brow furrow slightly and he chews on his lip, he’s thinking.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you think it’s the Impala?” John asks, though it sounds more like a statement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Could be, Dean’s always loved that car.” Sam replies, Bobby scoffs at them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” John and Sam say in unison, Bobby cocks his eyebrow at them, Dean silently watches on (not that he could do much else.) curious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If the two of ya coul’ look at what’s right in front of you, it’d be pretty damn clear what ‘Object’” he gestures with goose eyes - “that Dean’s attached himself to.” Sam and John look at each other and then back at Bobby, who rolls his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Need me to fetch ya a damn mirror?” he asks, looking at Sam. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam blinks for a moment, John’s brows furrow (and damn if he doesn’t look like Sam there) and glances back and forth between Sam and the book.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think Dean tethered himself to me?” He asks, half a laugh escaping his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’d make sense, seeing as everytime that Dean’s interacted with us, it’s been because of you” Bobby says, and Sam blinks again and then nods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh.” is all Sam says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>John doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t look happy with the idea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does it say anything about how to heal someone or get a spirit back into their body?” Bobby asks, Sam shrugs and shakes his head no. The men looks like they already anticipated it, John clenches his jaw.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right. So, I’ll try ‘n get a word out if anyone knows a healer or any spells of the like.” he says, pulling his phone from his pocket, heading into the other room to what Dean guesses is calling around. Bobby nods at that, and walks over to his own array of wall-attached phones.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll try shakin’ the trees too” is all he says before he too starts dialing around. Dean lets his attention go back to focus on Sam. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s staring at his screen, though Dean can tell (and not just by how his lips are used as chewing gum) that Sam’s in deep thought. His brothers (too) long hair getting in his eyes, Dean reaches out to brush it away before realising his hand is going to go through.  Sam’s multi-coloured eyes blink a couple of times before he speaks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about Missouri?” he asks, Bobby and John both stop to look at Sam, Bobby with furrowed brows.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who?” Bobby says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s a psychic I met back.. Back after the fire happened. She was the one who told me the truth about what’s really out there.” John says before Sam answers, Bobby nods at him and looks back at Sam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe she could help? We could try calling her.” Sam says and pulls out his own phone, before he lifts it to his ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Missouri-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Bout damn time you called, boy</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>So, what can I do for you?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right. So.. Dean, he’s. He’s really hurt and he might not make it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Dean’s in the veil right now?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I guess? He’s here, with us right now, we just.. Can’t exactly see him.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m afraid I can’t help you, Sam. But I might know who can.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Really? Who?” Dean startles as Sam rises from his seat and grabs a pencil and paper.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Her name is Juliane. She’s a witch that specialises in healing</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam writes down something on the paper, thanking Missouri as he does so before he lowers the phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Got a lead. A witch from Minnesota.” Dean walks over and reads her address</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span> 1 Hawthorne Drive</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Champlin, MN 55316 </span>
  </em>
  <span>in Sam’s neat handwriting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>John's heavy booted footsteps echo in the room as he crosses it and picks up the paper, he looks at Sam and nods at Bobby.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go.” John turns around, giving no room for arguments. No one says anything as they hear the slam of the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well..” Bobby says, Sam looks at him with raised brows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bobby?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna’ head down to the roadhouse. See ‘f there’s anyone who knows somethin’ about something.” He says, Sam blinks at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you just call?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I tried that, but nobody ain’t picking up the phone.” Sam’s confused stare softens slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see. Well, tell Ellen and Jo I said hi.” Sam says, Bobby nods at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam sighs and Dean wishes he was corporeal, or at least visible, Sam looks lonely and Dean is, for once, not there to help him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s a silent five something hour drive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>John borrowed a car from Bobby, seeing as his car and the impala aren’t available.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not that he needs to thank him, Bobby most likely already knows that John appreciates it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though he suspects he only agreed because of Dean, but that's irrelevant now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pulling into the street where the witch supposedly lives, John sees a row of orange houses with their various red coloured roofs, white picket fences and different personal items like cars or benches. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first house in the row has a wooden fence surrounding a front-house garden where different flowers and plants are grown. The window leading out to the front looks to be a kitchen window with white lace-y curtains.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John parked the car about a block away before going back to the house, this time a woman, probably in her 30’s, was standing in front of, what he assumes is her garden.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John walks up the fence, and knocks on the wooden gate. The woman turns to look at him, she doesn’t look at all surprised to see him and gestures with her hand for him to come in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>John doesn’t hesitate, opens the gate and follows her into the house.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The hallway is also adored with plants, there’s no pictures on the walls and it looks like she’s the only one living there. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>She leads him into a living room with wooden floors, no television, but a small radio in the corner on top of a counter. She sits down on a yellow flower patterned couch, he remains standing even though she has a chair to match.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I assume you’re John?” she asks. John grunts in agreement.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, sit down. I know you didn’t come for the talk, but this is my house and if you want my help, you sit down young man.” She says, a bit more sternly and John is reminded of Ellen for a moment. He nods and sits down in the chair anyways. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sitting across from her, John thinks she definitely looks like she’s in her 30’s, her tan skin clear and sunkissed with freckles, her dark brown hair hanging in a braid on the side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But her dark knowing eyes feel older to him. He can’t let his guard down around her, she is a witch after all, even if Missouri knows her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Missouri called me to let me know you were coming, she said you might be a bit much. She didn’t say anything about your situation besides that, so please. Fill me in.” </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>He’s not a bit much. He’s careful, rather be paranoid than dead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not about me. It’s about my eldest son. He’s currently in a coma from a car crash. He’s not going to wake up again without help.” He lays it out, nice and simple. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She clasps her hand on a yellow sunflower summer dress (in winter?) </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And how, if I may, do you know he’s not going to wake up?” She asks, carefully controlled, but John can tell she already knows what’s going on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He told me a reaper came for him, but he chose not to go.” Her eyes have a knowing glint and she pushes some hair behind her ear.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re right then. He’s not going to wake up, your son’s as good as dead. It sounds like his spirit is around though, which is good. Makes my job easier.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>John appreciates that she’s not sugarcoating it for him, but it doesn’t make it easier to hear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How so?” He asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if his spirit wasn’t around, and he was in heaven or hell or wherever, then it’d be a different story. A spirit  is a soul, and if the soul is still around, you can easily tether them into a body, well as long as the body is alive, but your son’s body is so that should be fine.” She rises from the couch, walks up to the counter in the corner and opens up random drawers. Pulling out a notebook, she writes something down and folds it, before walking back to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Here’s a spell that should call his soul back to his body, as well as heal him. Each of the ingredients have a specific purpose, but I suggest you get some sleep first before attempting the spell, if you’re not fully rested you might get hurt.” she hands John the folded paper, he nods and rises from the chair heading towards the door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>John stops at a motel before heading back, getting some sleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Sam wakes up, he finds himself on the couch with a scratchy blanket draped over him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t remember falling asleep though. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking at the clock on the wall, he sees it’s been about 11 hours since his dad and Bobby both left, and it doesn’t sound like they’re back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sitting up, stretching enough to hear his back pop, he gets up and decides to read up some more on spirit lore, just in case neither of them gets back with any news.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Moving towards the library, a loud ‘bang’ startles him, and he turns around ready to defend himself from his attacker.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But there’s nobody there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He blinks for a couple moments before he catches movement in the corner of his eyes, he looks towards it and sees cupboards in the kitchen opening and closing, though much more carefully now than before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ah, right. Dean’s here too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He walks towards the kitchen instead, watching as the fridge opens, a packet of what looks like eggs jostling towards the end of the shelf, Sam walks over and picks them up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this you trying to tell me to cook?” Sam asks, though he knows he won’t get a reply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another cupboard opens, this one housing pots and pans, Sam picks up a frying pan and some butter, making an egg-white omelette. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Or well, he doesn’t add anything extra, he’s not that great of a cook, but it’s still an omelette right? Right. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Watching as the eggs sizzle in the pan, he’s trying to distract himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Doesn’t want to be alone with his thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He finds a plate (and totally not just so he has something to focus on. Nope.) and cutlery, using the fork to flip his eggs. Watching it sizzle some more, before he turns off the heat, transferring the eggs to his plate. He walks into the living room and turns on Bobby’s television.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t think about automatically making extra room for Dean.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The tv’s on the news, he tries to focus on it, eating his breakfast? Lunch? His food.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sits with the plate in hand when he’s done.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Don’t think about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Don’t think - Oh crap. He’s thinking about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’d be so much easier if he didn’t have to think about everything, how Dean’s practically dead because of him, how the demon got away cause he couldn’t pull the tricker.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s not sure if he feels better or worse about how Dean didn’t get to move on, to be at peace, because Sam exists.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Him, who doesn’t deserve everything that Dean’s been giving him, sacrificed for him - </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And now Dean is gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or well, partly gone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam might never get to see his brother alive again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He forces himself to stop right there, blinking his wet eyes away with a shaky exhale. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right. Right, research.” He says out loud to himself, getting up, putting the plate in the sink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His plan was, in case the witch couldn’t help, to read up on healing phenomenons, and basic spellwork to ensure he has a base idea to work on, in case he’d need to fabricate his own spell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean’s been watching Sam for a time now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, he’s not sure how long, time is kinda… weird, to him, it all feels like one long fluid take.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He blacks out a little whenever he moves too many things, he was asking Sam to cook when all of a sudden, poof.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He blinks and looks at Sam who’s sitting at a table, several books open around him, as well as his laptop, a notepad and a single book in his lap that he looks to be reading right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean walks over to the cheap and old looking motel table, curious as to what Sammy’s looking at.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Is he working? Maybe homework? Dean’s not sure. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, it’s likely a case, seeing as Sammy looks too old to be having homework. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean doesn’t know what the case is, but he wants to help, even if he’s not actually there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam rubs at his eyes a little. Dean scowls, because it looks like the kid hasn’t been sleeping well. Dean wishes he could be there (why isn’t he?) and make sure he sleeps, but for some reason he gets the feeling he can’t touch Sam right now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hears an engine. It's loud, and Dean finds himself annoyed that it might interrupt Sam, but when Dean looks at Sam he looks relieved. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stands and walks towards a door, but it opens before he gets to it, and a couple of middle aged men strut in, Sam smiles at the older one, a gruff man with a cap on it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t know you guys would return together” He says, Dean watches over his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, wasn’t the plan either, but my car broke down so Bobby brought me with him.” The other man says, the taller of the two, and Dean finds himself watching him closely near Sammy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam might look happy they’re here, but he doesn’t trust them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The taller one holds up a piece of folded paper and gestures to follow him, Sam looks like the weight of the world just lessened and Dean is confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You got it???” Sam asks, dimples on display.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did. She wrote down ingredients and instructions here, though I doubt they’ll be easy to get a hold of, she said they each had something to do with Dean’s soul.” The man says, Dean’s hackles rise because </span>
  <em>
    <span>how do they know his name?  </span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>They all gather around him, and Dean leans close to Sam as the man starts talking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The ingredients are - Dean’s blood, Blood of a next of kin, blood of the one who took Dean’s innocence, hair of a souruita and a feather of caladrius.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man stops reading for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that it? That’s all it says, no recipe, no instruction?” Sam says, the man glares at Sam and Dean lays a protective hand on Sam’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. It says in a footnote beneath each ingredient as what they’re for. The instructions are on the lower half of the page. We need Dean’s blood to give the magic a clue who he is, the next of kin to gather some information on his genes, the virginity blood for how pure the soul is? And the hair for.. Binding? The feather is to be used as a pen. “ He says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean doesn’t understand how someone can sound like they have that much authority and also sound confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s a Souruita?” Sam asks, Dean wonders about it for a moment before he lets it go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s the other man, who has an equally gruff voice to match his appearance, who answers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Directly translated it’s a soul-eater. Which makes sense. I have the hairs of one from back when I went to Japan, we can use that.” he says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great. What about the feathers?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I have a couple of those too. It’s said to belong to a white bird with healing powers, so again, that makes sense. It’s the other ingredients that’s goin’ to be a pain.” The other man nods grimly at that, Sam and Dean both look between them with equal air of confusion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? What is it?” Sam asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, the next of kin is easy, that’s my blood. Dean’s blood is also obtainable, the tricky one will be the blood of the girl Dean lost his virginity to. How are we supposed to know who she is, much less where she lives?” The taller one quips. Sam looks uncomfortable and sort of nervous, and Dean gets on guard. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Balls!” The other man says. Dean’s eyes don't leave the tall one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He kind of wants to look at the other man, the gruff one, only because he screams of familiarity, and Dean doesn’t know what to do with that, much less how these two know about him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I.. I can get Dean’s blood, and the blood of the girl.” Sam speaks up, and gruff man eyes him, the tall one looks at Sam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know who she is?” Gruff ask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well.. Dean used to tell me everything, it was the stuff of nightmares for years when I was barely a teenager.” Sam says. Dean doesn’t recall it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When did Dean lose his virginity?” he asks, and Sam doesn’t meet his eyes, he looks uncomfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh. When he was 18? I guess. But why does that matter?” Sam asks, and still doesn’t meet his eyes. Dean spares a moment to look away from tall and at gruff, who looks at Sam with a calculating gaze. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How long would it take?” Tall asks, Dean’s eyes slides back to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not that long, a couple of hours, maybe more?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She live nearby?” Gruff asks, again with those knowing eyes that Sam can’t meet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah. Yes, she does.” Sam says. Tall just nods at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great. You should get going now, then.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, sir.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean feels confused at Sam’s compliance for a moment, before he realises he doesn’t know </span>
  <em>
    <span>why </span>
  </em>
  <span>he’s confused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He follows Sam (not that he had much of a choice) out to a car, Dean’s sure it’s not Sam’s car, but Sam doesn’t seem to ask for permission to get in. He sits? In the passenger seat and glances at Sam, he’s tense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean, you here?” he asks, Dean’s about to answer before he realises Sam can’t hear him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turns on the radio instead,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam exhales.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Damn that was close. I get that the past is in the past, but Dean they will freak if they find out. Me and dad’s barely talking now, if he finds out? He’s going to actually kill us.” Sam says and Dean’s brows furrow, he’s not exactly sure what Sam means.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he feels like he should know. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And the way Bobby’s looking at me, he’s likely figuring it out as we speak!” Sam hits the side of the steering wheel in frustration, and Dean blinks. Yeah, Bobby’s always been perceptive- wait.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bobby?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean (metaphorically?) shudders, how did he forget Bobby? And John, his, their father?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He glances at Sam and Dean understands now what he’s talking about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Right. The ‘girl’ who took his virginity..</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh no.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean almost zones out for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam’s pretty much right, their dad would definitely shoot them if he found out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, Dean’s not gay. He knows he’s not, never been attracted to another man, and he’s likely never going to be, but he’s not blind. He can tell when someone looks good (obviously) but he’s 100% straight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not that Dean thinks their dad would have a problem if he wasn’t, not when there’s monsters out there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But somehow, Dean can’t imagine him being okay with… well, what’s basically incest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam and him, they’re not in a relationship, never has been, never (hopefully) will be, because that is just disgusting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But thing is, Dean knows that what he and Sam have isn’t normal, they’re not just brothers, not just family, not just friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes, it scares him, how much he feels he needs Sam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Like he’s more vital than oxygen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Does he regret losing both his virginities to Sam? No.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Would he do it again? Probably not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean doesn’t think about it, perse. He knows it happened, what happened, and he definitely enjoyed it in the moment, but. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Doesn’t change that 1) He’s straight and 2) Sam’s his flesh and blood </span>
  <em>
    <span>brother</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And yes he meant it when he said it’s more than that, but doesn’t mean that’s not important too - They have the same parents for christs sake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So yeah, Dean gets Sam’s little meltdown. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not that he and Sam ever really.. Talked about it. Well not more than a few sentences in the moment at least.  He’s shaken out of his thoughts when he realises the cars stopped, Sam’s loud exhaled before he clenches his jaw and gets out of the car. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They walk into the hospital, and head directly towards the stairs that’ll lead them to his room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In his room, he doesn’t look any different. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t remember how long he’s been laying there, just what he looks like, still full of machinery, wires and mechanical care.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam doesn’t look so great though, his big wet puppy eyes staring down at Dean’s body as he blinks furiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>will </span>
  </em>
  <span>fix this. You hear me?” Sam tells his body, before he stalks around the room (likely looking for a couple syringes, Dean noticed Sam was in such a hurry to leave he didn’t bring anything) he finds what he’s looking for in a cabinet in the back of the room, pulling out two syringes and two vials. Dean realises Sam didn’t bring a cooler and hope’s he’s quick, but not too quick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wouldn’t wanna trip the wire.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He watches as Sam carefully draws blood from his left arm, filling the syringe, before transfering the warm red liquid to the vial. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He draws Dean’s blood next, and stands with both vials, looking at them in hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Crap, I forgot a cooler.” Sam says, before he puts both vials in his pocket as they leave the hospital. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Sam sits in the car again that evening (he had to get a cooler from a camping store), he tries to relax, but he’s had nerves crawling all around his body since earlier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just hopes, prays, that Bobby let it go, that John isn’t suspicious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wishes Dean was here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wonders if Dean’s freaking out like he is, or if he doesn’t care.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tells himself that of course Dean cares if they’re found out, but Sam’s brain isn’t working like usual right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He makes sure the flannel sleeves covering his arm and T shirt covers the needle bruising, and starts the car to make the drive back to Bobby’s.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He feels like the ride should be longer than it really is, just to avoid the confrontation that might occur.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right. Let's go” He says to no one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gets back in and sees a huge bronze bowl, a white feather, and a bottle of what looks like black hair from a shower drain, Sam scrunches his nose in disgust.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You got it?” John says and Sam nods, handing him the two vials.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam doesn’t see Bobby in the room, and he breathes a slight air of relief. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>John holds up the paper again, likely reading the instructions. Again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam hates how he reminds himself of his dad sometimes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, all we need now is to slowly combine the blood and hair, before bottling it up and letting it rest for at least 20 minutes, then paint these sigils on Dean’s body with the feather, and we should be good to go.” John says to Sam, and Sam feels the weights on his shoulder slowly, not completely, not even close, begin to lift.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which is probably why he doesn’t hear or feel Bobby in the room before Sam backs up into him, spilling hot coffee all over himself and the carpet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hears Bobby curse and hurries to nearly rip off his shirts so not to burn his skin too much, doesn’t even think about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus Sam, You alright?” Bobby asks, looking Sam over as he’s left alone in his white t-shirt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam nods before answering him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah, I think so.” He says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Bobby’s not looking at his face, or even his side where he collided with the coffee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, Sam feels the telling of goosebumps rising on his skin, as he watches Bobby’s eyes track the blue and browns on his left arm, all the way down to the small prick of a needle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’d you get that boy?” Bobby asks him, but Sam sees it in his eyes, how Bobby just knows, how he’s figured him out, how much of a freak he, </span>
  <em>
    <span>they</span>
  </em>
  <span>, really are. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam doesn’t get to answer, before he hears the heavy footfall of his fathers boots, and looks up at John’s calm eyes, walking closer to him, a vial in each hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sam, is your blood in one of these vials?” he asks, voice too low to sound like John Winchester.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam can’t do anything but nod.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And Dean’s?” He asks, lifting up the other vial.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, sir” Sam says, and then hits himself mentally because how fucking stupid can you be.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well, this stupid apparently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John looks like he knows Sam’s lying (and how couldn’t he) and Sam fights back the urge to swallow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? But I thought you went to the hospital to get his blood in the first place.” He says again, in that calm voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He takes another step closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s your vial for, Sam? Next of kin?” Sam nods, he can’t find his voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what about the girl?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She moved” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another step.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Surely you know her name though. We’ll find her in no time.” And another.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or could it be..” Sam can feel his father's breath on his face, he can’t meet his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That he</span>
  <em>
    <span>r name is </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>Sam</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>antha?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” John says, somehow packing that quiet voice full of venom and disgust, and Sam sees John raise his fist, so he closes his eyes and readies himself for the pain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Except it never comes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hears a crash, a groan, and the temperature drops marginally in the room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He opens his eyes and sees Dean, flickering, pale and eyes so angry - stalking towards their father. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He can hear him growl at their father, not really making real sentences or full words, just blabbering about ‘sam’ ‘protect’ ‘no’ here and there, but mostly just growls from deep in his throat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam spots Bobby in the corner of his eyes, he’s heading for the kitchen (likely salt.) and Dean sees him too, and glares, lifting a hand, but Bobby stops moving and Dean blinks, lowers his hand before looking back at John.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John’s bleeding from his forehead, he’s staring angrily up at Dean, eyes sometimes meeting Sam’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean” Sam says, and Dean straightens.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turns around and stalks over to Sam, his once brilliant green eyes looking cloudy, skin pale and cold. Sam doesn’t like it, he doesn’t look like his brother.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sammy. Are you alright?” Dean asks, voice bordering on robotic, Sam thinks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean.. Why did you do that?” Sam asks, Dean flickers a little before regaining himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His brows furrow, looking at Sam with confusion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can see me?” He says, Sam doesn’t answer as it sounds more like he’s talking to himself than to Sam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He.. he was going to hurt you.” Dean eventually says after a moment of quiet. Sam sees John getting up in the other end of the room, and Bobby who’s holding a bottle of kitchen salt.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He had every right to.” Sam answers, speaking quiet as if Dean was a scared animal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean flickers again, rage evident on his features, the lightbulbs in the room blow out, glass shards covering the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I have to protect you.” He says and Sam feels his heart break.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even in what is basically death, Dean will always put Sam first to the point of losing himself - He’d gladly do it if it means Sam’s safety is ensured.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dean. Dad he, he’s angry. Disgusted. Probably horrified too, and he was right to hurt me, he found out Dean. We knew this could happen” Sam tries to make Dean calm down, making him understand that what John wanted to do, was nothing compared to what they’d already done.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dad? We have a dad?” Deans says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Dean” Sam says. John starts walking towards them, but Dean turns around with a lifted hand, ready to throw John through the fucking wall probably if it meant keeping Sam safe and unharmed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>John stops and raises both arms in a ‘I mean no harm’ manner, Dean doesn’t falter and John stays rooted to the spot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean no harm. I will not harm Sam.” He says, and Dean slowly lowers his arm as Sam tells him it’s okay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you even touch a hair on his head, it’ll be the last thing you’ll ever do” Dean says, and Sam would find his dad's face hilarious if it weren’t for the situation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean flickers out of sight (though he’s likely still there) and John lowers his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He walks over the bronze bowl, and picks up both vials again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John’s looking anywhere but at Sam, and Sam doesn’t blame him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sees him pouring Dean’s vial into the bowl, then Sam’s, before he slices his palm, letting the liquid drip into the bowl. Pulling out a hair from the bottle, he adds it to the mixture before mixing it together with a wooden spoon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The mixture slowly starts to sizzle as if boiling, the blood turning brown, black before settling on orange. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A bottle, Sam.” John says, holding out his hand, Sam picks up an old marmalade jar and hands it to John. John makes extra effort to not touch him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He closes the jar, and picks up a feather. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grunts at Bobby who looks uncomfortable and nods at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lets go.” John says and goes for the door, Sam nods at Bobby, wanting to thank the older hunter, but he won’t look at Sam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighs and walks after his father and out into a car.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>John gave Sam the feather and Jar as he got into the passenger seat, the tension in the car so thick Sam thinks it’s amazing he can’t visibly see it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So. Tell me.” John says. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Which one of you did it? How long? Did your little girlfriend know of your past relationship?” John says, spitting out each word in mock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam knows he shouldn’t rise to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She has nothing to do with this. Leave her out of it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So. In which sense, did Dean lose his virginity to you?” John asks and Sam flinches.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did he rape you, Sam?” He asks. Though Sam can hear he doesn’t believe that to be the case, he sounds like he blames Sam and only Sam, so Sam doesn’t really understand why he asks him that in the first place.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. No, Dad it was nothing like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, right. Because a child, like I assume you were, could consent. Right. And next you’re going to let me know how it’s not wrong, because what you and Dean have is special or whatever.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh. No.. No, that’s not-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean and I.. We.. Are not like that. I mean. We aren’t lovers.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he says that, Sam sees John’s head snap to look at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What, did he actually rape you Sam? Or was it a case, like, a succubus?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh. No..”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then I don’t understand Sam. What could make you two commit incest? Why would you do that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A spike of guilt stings Sam at his father's defeated tone. He sighs and supposes just telling him would be easier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even if Sam would rather not think about it.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Part 2 (smut)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sam's almost 14, and questioning his sexuality.<br/>He asks his older brother for help, and decides to try and have sex with a man - too bad though, since Dean doesn't like it.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is underage! Slight non/con elements (depends on how you view it in fiction) aswell as a consent discussion - it is not meant to be realistic or canon to the show, just fanon:).</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Sam remembers the first time Dean talked about sex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or well, not sex as in sex sex, but sexual intimacy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t get it at the time though, but now, at the crisp age of 13, a couple of months from 14, he understands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam wouldn’t call himself a sexual creature, he doesn’t really get the urge a lot (not that it’d matter much to him at this age anyway) and it’s not like he has anything to compare to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He remembers when Dean had found a porn magazine in their dads duffle (which is, ew) and told Sam all about the women in it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Sam was 10, and Dean 14, he’d always tell Sam he’d be his ‘woman information bank’ when he got older and started taking notice - and okay. So Sam’s not a sexual person, not really right now at least, but it’s not like he hasn’t been taking notice..</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But thing is, recently it’s been really confusing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s been noticing girls alright, and a lot of them, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>boys </span>
  </em>
  <span>too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Is he gay??? If so, how would he know??</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s been considering talking to Dean about it, but.. Dean’s straight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And if he’s honest, he’s kinda afraid Dean would think less of him if he is gay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knows he’s obviously being an idiot about this, because Dean wouldn’t care if that was the case - So Sam’s not sure if he’s trying to make it a problem so Dean </span>
  <em>
    <span>will </span>
  </em>
  <span>care, or if he himself cares too much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Doesn’t know which is worse.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks at the clock hanging on the wall in the classroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bell’s going to ring in 5 minutes, and Dean’s going to be waiting for him outside of school.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam comes to the decision, right then and there, then he’s going to talk to him about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Today. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their father will be home in a couple of days, and Sam would rather talk to Dean about this, just the two of them, and he knows if he doesn’t do it today, then he won’t do it at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though no one will know if he waits till like, after dinner, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Right. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bell rings and signals the end of the school day, so Sam gathers his books, packs his bag, and hightails it out of there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not like he’s talking to anyone in this school anyway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Walking towards the big glass doors, he spots Dean waiting for him by a bunch of bikes, just like Sam’d thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their current town is on the smaller side, so it’s just a tiny walk from the motel to the school, but Dean still picks him up every day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He walks over to him, he’s wearing their dad's leather jacket, he leans over and ruffles Sam’s hair, smiling at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey kiddo, how was school today?” he asks him, just like every day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The usual. I went in, zoned out during classes, and had lunch.” He replies. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s like a ritual, always the same question and answer, but Sam finds he doesn’t really mind it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At least Dean cares, not acting like it’s a duty or a chore to care about him, and Sam appreciates it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Most of the time, anyway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean nods at his predictable answer and they start heading towards their current room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their dads on a case in a couple of towns over, something about a werewolf and he didn’t want it to catch their scents or whatever. Dean wanted to go with him, but Dad said no.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam doesn’t understand Dean’s fascination with werewolves, or with hunting, but he knows if he asks, he’ll just tell him that it’s their duty or something like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They don’t talk much on their way to the motel, but the silence is comforting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The room they’re staying in doesn’t look too bad in comparison to others, but it’s walls are a gastly purple and red leopard spot-pattern with a green carpet and Sam is happy, so happy, that there’s no clown paintings like at the last room with that colour-combo.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean opens the door and walks in, Sam trailing behind him, he goes to a small dark brown desk close to the kitchen, and sets his homework on top of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean passes him on the way to the couch, eyeing him funnily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You gon’ work on your homework now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam looks up at him, biting his lip slightly nervous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh. Why wouldn’t I? Do it now, I mean.” Dean gives him a confused look, and then looks contemplative for a moment, as if he’s sure Sam has done something bad and is trying to distract him or something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You usually do it after dinner.” He says, sounding disinterested, as if stating a fact, but Sam knows his brother better than that and hears it as the suspicion it is. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well.. I wanted to get it out of the way now. It’s. Faster” Sam says, trying his hardest to not sound awkward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right.” Is all Dean says, and for a moment he looks at Sam like ‘You better tell me what you did before I find out’ and Sam swallows unconsciously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean turns his face back to the tv after that, and Sam focuses on his Homework.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then everything carried on normal for them, Sam finished his homework, they did shooting practice, then hand to hand, Dean started on dinner while Sam took a shower and then he watched the food as Dean showered, and finally they ate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam did not once look at Dean during dinner, which wasn’t the most unusual thing in the world, but he was probably being way too obvious about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as he had washed off his plate and hung it to dry, Dean asked him to sit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sam. Come here for a second.” He said and Sam gulped and broke out in a nervous sweat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeah okay, he had steeled himself to talk to Dean, but.. Actually doing it was much scarier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took a deep breath and sat down, looking at Dean for the first time since they sat down to eat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t look angry, maybe a tiny bit disappointed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay little brother, talk to me.” He said, and Sam nodded, averting his eyes again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sam look at me.” Dean said, but Sam couldn’t, didn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look at me.” He said again, this time using his ‘big brother authority’ voice and Sam reluctantly looked at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sam I won’t be mad, I promise, but I need you to tell me what’s up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why.. Do you think something’s up?” Sam asks and then mentally hits himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean gives him a look and Sam can’t even be mad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right. Okay. I’ve… actually, been thinking of talking to you about something for some time now.” Sam says, his voice so hushed he doubts Dean actually heard him speak, and he’s never going to admit to talking like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sammy?” Dean says and now he’s gone from 100% suspicious to 1000% worry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam takes a deep breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Come on, you can do this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do… Do you remember when you found that porn magazine in dads duffle?” Sam asks him, and Dean looks surprised and slightly confused before he nods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well.. You.. You said that, when I got older and started to.. Take notice of girls, then you’d be my source of information..” Sam says and feels slightly ridiculous. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean leers at him for a moment, the same smile he gives pretty waitresses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Could it be? Is my dorky kid brother growing up?” He says and Sam can’t help it, he feels his cheeks warm, no doubt flushing red.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And.. Uh, that’s.. That’s not all” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean’s leer dims slightly, but he gestures for Sam to go on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I.. I think.. I might.. Be gay?” He says, but it comes out more like a question, and Sam averts his eyes again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t want to look at Dean’s face, doesn’t want to see whatever it is he’s feeling, whether it’s disgust, anger, confusion..</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh Sammy.. Hey, it’s okay” He says and feels Dean’s hands on his face and oh- great. He’s crying, full on snot dripping crying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks at him and Dean doesn’t look disgusted, angry or confused, he’s just smiling softly as he wipes away his tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So little brother tell me, why do you think you might be gay? And for the record, there’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing </span>
  </em>
  <span>wrong if you are” Dean says and takes Sam’s hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He appreciates the comfort, even if it means he’ll shoot Sam if he mentions it again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I.. Well, I do look at girls. I notice them, find them attractive, but.. I also look at boys.” he says and Dean’s face doesn’t change, he just nods at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well Sammy, you might be a bit too young to know yet, but, it’s completely normal to not understand it right away, how you feel. You might be straight, might be gay or bi, but it doesn’t really matter - You could still kick anyones butt.” Dean says and Sam laughs at that, relieved that Dean doesn’t find him disgusting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Dee.” He says and Dean’s expression turns slightly fond at Sam’s use of his old nickname, not that he’d ever admit it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After that, things carry on as usual between them, and Sam felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He let himself appreciate both girls and boys, he even tried talking to a few.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And when Dad called to tell them he’d likely still be a week or so till he could let the case go (which Sam didn’t understand at the time, since the lunar cycle was wrong.) but decided to use this opportunity to talk to more kids at his school, some a few years older than him that he’d noticed had been looking at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was about a week after their talk that Sam told Dean of his plan, since their dad would be there in a couple days.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Dean” he’d have said one evening after dinner and homework.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Sam” he answered, but didn’t look away from the tv screen. Sam stood from the counter and plopped down next to his brother.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So?” Sam could hear Dean’s smile in his voice, which told him he found Sam ridiculous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna attempt to have sex with someone.” Sam says and Dean’s head snaps to his so fast Sam’s surprised he doesn’t hear it snap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>?!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’ve noticed there’s a couple girls my age who look interested in me, and some boys a little older who’s actually offered. They told me it’d be good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They </span>
  <em>
    <span>What!?!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”  Dean says and Sam flinches, he doesn’t sound happy and Sam’s confused for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Sam asks, Dean blinks at him, mouth open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Seriously? Sam what the hell?!” Sam doesn’t understand Dean’s reaction, he told him that whoever he was interested in, it didn’t matter. Was that a lie?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You said it didn’t matter!” Sam says back and Dean’s jaw slaps closed, the sound of his teeth clicking together from the force.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I said it didn’t matter if you’re straight, gay or whatever, and I mean it. It doesn’t. But Sam, you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>thirteen</span>
  </em>
  <span>! You can’t seriously consider losing </span>
  <em>
    <span>your virginity </span>
  </em>
  <span>to some douche when you’re barely double digits!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m almost 14! You were 14 when you started to look at girls! Why does it matter if I lose my virginity to someone when I’m nearly 14 myself? How is that fair?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s a difference to looking at porn and fucking someone, Sam!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah? How old were you when you lost your virginity then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s irrelevant, Sam-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh can it! I am going to go out, find a dude and have all the sex with him. And you can’t stop me” Dean’s nostrils flare and Sam thinks he’s about two seconds from being pushed into the carpet face first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t just fuck a random dude! You can’t trust guys! They just want a warm hole to stick it in, you might get hurt!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what? If I am gay, am I just supposed to go without ever having sex? That’s great, especially when on cases where virgins are sacrificed, good job Dean.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t say that, but you can’t just go out and fuck the first guy who offers, think about it Sam!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right. Right because I know so many guys I can just fuck around here. If that’s how it’s gonna be, then why don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>just fuck me then Dean?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean looks horrified for all of one second, before anger sets in his shoulders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Sam might have just said it in the heat of the moment, he didn’t actually mean it, it’d be gross - and illegal, but.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Haven’t they both committed crimes already?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And now that the thought is there, Sam can’t help but mull it over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s no one in this whole world that Sam trusts, more than Dean. Dean who would never, ever hurt him, who’s practically raised him, Dean who is Sam’s best friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They don’t have to talk about it after, either. A one time deal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just so Sam could try it out with a dude. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Sam looks back at Dean, he doesn’t see the anger anymore, just the confused furrow of Dean’s brows. Sam decides then and there, that if Sam is gay, then Dean’s the perfect guy to help him find out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He crawls closer to Dean in one swift movement, all but clappering into his lap, placing his arms on Dean’s shoulders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean, who’s looking at him with wide, worried and confused eyes, their faces so close Sam can feel him breathing on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have sex with me, Dean.” Sam says, and Dean’s mouth opens again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus Sam, what?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s perfect! You said I couldn’t just fuck whatever guy offered and you’re probably right, but I realised I didn’t need to! You’re the singular person on this planet I trust to do this right.” Sam says and Dean blinks, mouth opening and closing, kind of like a gaping fish.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-Sam-Sammy you gotta understand that- We’re brothers remember? Flesh and blood. Plus I’m not into dudes” Dean says, using his ‘Everything is fine and I’m laughing because everything is totally ace’ voice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But think about it! We don’t have to talk about it after. And don’t give me the ‘it’s illegal’ crap, we literally both carry firearms on our bodies at all times in public. And you told me you’d teach me everything you know about girls. You can do that too! Teach me how to touch them while you fuck me.” Sam says, somehow inching closer and Dean tries to move his face away, but Sam cups it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck me, Dean.” He says and Dean gulps, searching Sam’s eyes for any sign of hesitation or joke-ness. Sam’s certain he doesn’t find any, because he’s 100% serious.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Okay, Sammy.” Dean says, voice breaking slightly and Sam feels a slight guilt, but if Dean really didn’t want it he could just say no, and Sam would find someone else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They awkwardly stare at each other for a moment before Sam leans in to give Dean a peck. He lets him, but it’s quickly over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, uh.. I Don’t really know how to do this, so could you… lead, maybe?” Sam says and Dean nods at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right” he says and leans in towards Sam, lifting his right hand and places it on Sam’s face, thumb tracing his lower lip before he kisses him. Sam, who has never kissed anyone before, lays pliant in Dean’s hands and when he feels a slight nipple on his bottom lip, he opens his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His own hands slide from neck to shoulder, back and forth, as Dean explores his mouth with his tongue. Sam unconsciously grunts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It doesn’t take more than their deep kisses to get him in the mood, his dick still so little you can’t really call what he has a ‘boner’ but erect it is nonetheless. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grinds himself down into Dean’s lap, and starts trailing his hands down his chest, abdomen and sides. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean breaks the kiss, a string of saliva hanging between them, the only sound in the room is Sam’s harsh breathing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s move to the bed, it’ll be easier that way.” Dean says, Sam nods dazedly at him and rises from the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lays down on his own bed, Dean sheds his shirt and pants on the way to him, and Sam mirrors his actions. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He steps out of his boxers, naked as the day he was born, and Dean’s much bigger dick hangs slightly between his legs. Sam sits up from the bed and moves closer to Dean, stopping him from moving to join Sam on the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean quirks and eyebrow at him, but Sam leans in and kisses him, letting his left hand trail down to Dean’s shaft. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He has a dick, knows how they work, so he starts slowly with feather light touches at the inside of his thighs, trailing up over his balls, before landing at the base of Dean’s slightly-more interested dick. His small hand circles it, closing tightly around it before he starts to pump, the hitch in Dean’s breathing making him carry on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He copies Dean’s move from earlier and bites his lower lip softly, Dean hums in appreciation as Sam’s hand speeds up till he’s fully erect and breathing heavily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stops, lays down on the bed, eyes on Dean.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean swallows once more before he goes to the nightstand on his side of the bed and pulls out a small clear tube, Sam doesn’t know what it is, but he trusts Dean to know what he’s doing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He moves to stand on his knees on the bed, placing a hand on Sam’s inner thighs and gently pushes his legs apart.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean’s hands pull down his boxer briefs with cautious fingertips, throwing them to the floor, Sam hears Dean gulp as he watches his brother look at Sam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pushing his legs even farther apart, Dean places himself between them. He hears the click of what he assumes is the bottle, and watches in the dim light as Dean spreads it on two fingers, using his other hand to lift up one of Sam’s legs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He startles slightly at the feel of a cold, slimey pair of fingers touching his entrance (and wow he’s glad he showered earlier now), but the fingers doesn’t breach the tight ring of muscle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Relax Sam” Dean says, his voice lower than usual, rough with arousal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam forces himself to relax, and feels a finger slowly pressing in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean stops at the second joint, letting Sam adjust slightly before he resumes pressing it in, until it’s in him up to the knuckle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His eyes don't leave Dean’s, not once, and Dean’s staring at him with an intensity he doesn’t know, hasn’t seen before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s it feel?” he asks him, Sam mulls it over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It feels strange. Not unpleasant, not uncomfortable, just… Strange” He answers honestly and Dean hums at his answer, before starting a slow, but surprisingly pleasant, back and forth motion with his finger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the slide seems easy, he adds a second finger and Sam gasps at the intrusion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s that feel?” Dean asks him again and Sam thinks for a moment he’d actually rather be kissing him instead of doing a questionnaire.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, you don’t have to keep asking me that Dean” Sam says between breaths, and Dean rolls his eyes at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay Sam, I won’t. But you have to tell me if it starts to hurt, deal?” He says and Sam nods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean scissors his fingers, arches them, touching a spot that makes Sam see stars and groan loudly, Dean smirks and Sam would hit him if it weren’t for how good it felt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hears the tube click again and feels a third finger now, and this time it’s slightly unpleasant, but he forces himself to keep relaxing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean continues moving his fingers, slower than when it was just two, rubbing over that place inside of him over and over again, and soon Sam’s forgotten about any discomfort he might have had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All too soon (for him anyway) Dean removes his fingers, and Sam whines, actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>whines </span>
  </em>
  <span>(which he will deny at all costs later) and Dean laughs at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What, it feel that good?” he says and Sam’s not going to take that fucking attitude right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Better than that. You better start fucking me again soon or I will personally rip off your dick, Dean” Sam says, spreading his legs even wider if possible.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean’s eyes widen, his signature smirk gone. He gulps again, before Sam sees him pour the clear liquid from the small tube onto his dick, and lines himself up against Sam’s entrance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam takes a deep breath and feels Dean’s head start to breach, an intense feeling of ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>full, too much too much</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ rushes through his head, but he keeps his body relaxed as Dean slowly inches deeper and deeper inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He feels Dean’s balls tucked right against his ass, and opens his eyes (</span>
  <em>
    <span>when did he close them?</span>
  </em>
  <span>) to look up at his brother. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Give me a moment to adjust” Sam says (</span>
  <em>
    <span>he did promise to tell him after all</span>
  </em>
  <span>) and Dean nods at him, the sound of his ragged loud breathing filling the room, almost as loud as his own heartbeat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a moment, the sensation isn’t too much, and he gives Dean the go ahead to start moving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean starts with a slow, very slow in fact, rhythm, pulling out about halfway before sliding back in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam’s smaller dick starts to pick up in interest once more, and Dean speeds up a little bit. Sam pulls Dean’s face down to kiss him (</span>
  <em>
    <span>why would he want to do that, he doesn’t know.</span>
  </em>
  <span>) and Dean goes along with it, opening his mouth in a slow deep kiss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam kind of expected his first time to be all rough etches and speed, but it’s slow, languid and actually kind of nice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He knows Dean would kill him if he heard his thoughts right now, but Sam feels closer to Dean than ever before. He lifts his arms to place them around Dean’s shoulders, their kiss not really a kiss anymore, more like their mouths open near each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not gonna last much longer Sammy,” Dean says, and Sam hates the small spike of heat that goes through him at that nickname. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay” he starts, stops to breathe, “You can go faster” and Dean doesn’t hesitate in picking up speed (yet somehow he’s still gentle with Sam) and Sam really hopes their neighbors isn’t in at the moment because he’s sure it sounds like a bad porno in here with how loud he’s being. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean re-aligns his hips a bit differently and his thrusts now hit that spot inside of Sam, and Sam can’t help it, the low building fire is boiling over, and he comes all over their stomachs, Dean’s name on his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean rides out Sam’s orgasm, keeps thrusting (though he’s lost his rhythm) until Sam’s over sensitive and Dean comes, and Sam hopes he didn’t just hear Dean say ‘Sammy’ while his dick sprouted in Sam’s ass because he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>never </span>
  </em>
  <span>going to be able to associate that nickname with anything ever again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s later, or earlier actually, when he wakes up alone in the room the next day, and he realises that he must’ve passed out after Dean came, he looks down at himself and is surprised to see he’s dressed, and in the other bed. He looks at the clock on the wall, and it’s just after 7 in the morning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean must have left for breakfast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or maybe because he couldn’t stand being in the room with Sam after that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam doesn’t, can’t regret losing his virginity like that, but he knew Dean couldn’t say no to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He basically sweet talked his overly-doting brother into having sex with him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Isn’t that rape? Did Sam just</span>
  <em>
    <span> rape </span>
  </em>
  <span>Dean??</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door to the motel opens and Dean stalks in, a box of what Sam assumes is doughnuts with him, but the second he sees Sam he places them on the nearby table and hurries to his side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Sammy no no, it’s okay, I’m sorry” He says and Sam realises (again. He needs to stop doing this) that he’s crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh? What?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I shouldn’t have let you talk me into this oh god I’m so sorry, I’ll leave if you want me too, i promise-” Dean’s rambling, while he’s somehow looking at Sam while also avoiding him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No wait what, Dean slow down for a second” Sam grabs Dean’s flailing arms and holds tightly around his wrists, Dean finally looks at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam’s mind finishes loading what Dean said to him and more tears start streaming down his face and come on, really? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, Dean. Don’t apologize, I- I’m the one who’s sorry. I shouldn’t have forced you to do this, I.. I’m so sorry” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean twists his hands free and touches Sam’s shoulder, rubbing slow circles for comfort into them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What, Sammy don’t cry. You didn’t force me to do anything” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah right. You said it yourself, Dean. You’re not gay, I’m a guy, you weren’t exactly stoked about having sex with me, I basically blackmailed you into doing it”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He could see Dean thinking it over, but he already knew he couldn’t tell him wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sam, you’re just a kid.. What we did, it’s sick, and disgusting for one, but.. I don’t regret it. I mean, I probably should you know? Hell I shouldn’t have agreed in the first place. Okay my point is, I am the one responsible for taking care and protecting you, Sam. I couldn’t let you do it with someone else, not at that age.” Dean finally says, and Sam starts to calm down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t sure why he freaked out so much, now that he’s thinking about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean’s an adult, he’s 18, he can make his own choices and if he really didn’t want to he’d have told Sam. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam’s gonna have to trust that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Dean” He says, piling all his love for his older brother into his words, hoping Dean understands that Sam’s not angry, not disgusted, but grateful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know we said we would never mention this again, but remember Sam I’m always here to talk about anything, be it women or men.” Dean says and Sam nods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now that the tense air is somewhat lifted, Sam’s curiosity wakes up and he figures he might as well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dean, actually I’ve been meaning to ask..” He starts and Dean’s eyes narrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not going to like, ask me to marry you or something?” He asks, only half jokingly and Sam snorts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you creep. I’ve been wondering about it since you brought it up yesterday - When did you lose your virginity? I mean, I know you tell me.. Quite too much, probably, but you never told me about that”  he asks, no judgement in his voice, just curiosity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean’s face flushes for a moment and he looks away from Sam’s eyes, unable to meet them and Sam’s brow furrows.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Dean finally looks back up, his face and neck as red as a tomato, it downs on Sam. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He can’t help it, his mouth hangs open in shock and eyes widen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You lost your virginity to me?! You were a virgin!?” He voices out loud and Dean shushes him, but doesn’t deny it and Sam’s own face flushes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then-Then how did you know how to fuck me?” he asks, and palms his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh come on dude, Porn.  And It’s not like I’ve never been with a girl before, I’ve just never… Fucked one. With my dick.” He says and Sam blinks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then he laughs, loud and full bodied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean looks like Sam lost his marbles and maybe he has, but he can’t stop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We are so messed up, Dean” He says and Dean smiles at him, shaking his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He even laughs when Sam attempts to move from the bed and he squirms in pain, rubbing at his ass.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeah, they’ll be okay.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Part 3 (In between smut)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sam and John talk before Sam continues talking about how he lost his virginity.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Discussion of incest in here!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Sam finishes talking, and spares John a look. He looks green in the face and his lips are turned down in disgust.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam knows his father must feel him watching, so either he’s deliberately ignoring it, or maybe he’s so disgusted he’d rather just never talk to Sam again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Either way, most of it is out now, there’s no going back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sam. I don’t give a crap if you’re gay - if either of you are. But this? That’s disgusting. I never, ever want to hear anything about you and your brother doing something like that again. Once is bad enough.” He says, and Sam agrees, it is disgusting (and illegal).</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s true, I thought I might be gay when I was a kid, but I know I’m not. Neither of us are.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re right about one thing though, it is disgusting” Sam says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John turns to look at him, his glare deepening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only one thing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I can promise Dean and I are never going to do anything sexual again” Sam states in a matter of factually, even if the sex he had with Dean are some of the best laids he’s ever had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So. How many times?” John asks, and Sam figures there’s no point in hiding it anymore, even if John is contradicting himself by asking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In total? 3.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“3.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Once when I was 13, twice when I was 18.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How? Why? What in the world could possibly make you want to have sex with your brother, not once, not two times, but fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>three </span>
  </em>
  <span>times?!” John snarls and grips the steering wheel so hard his knuckles pop and turn white.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure you want to know that?” Sam asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not gonna’ make my ears bleed any less.” He says and Sam sighs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Part 4 ( smut)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sam's heading off to college soon, and with that he realises he might get himself a girlfriend.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This features rough and very unrealistic sex.<br/>It's not meant to be healthy, and is merely there for the purposes of smut.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Okay. Thanks, Bobby” Sam puts the receiver back onto the wall-mounted phone and smiles to himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A full ride at Stanford college in California.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Him, going to college.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Him</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He has to stop himself from jumping around like a colt on new legs, but he does allow himself to fist pump the air a couple times. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had applied to about a dozen different colleges in the country, as well as applied for scholarships, but he never actually thought he’d be accepted to any of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The new school year will start in September (which is only a few months from now!!) and Sam honestly can’t believe this is reality, his reality.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could finally get out, be himself, be happy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door to the motel opens and Dean walks in with a bag of groceries, he’s a bit dirty from his job at the nearby garage. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean smiles at him as he walks over to take the groceries from him to place in the cupboards.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hiya Sammy, somethin’ good happen while I was out?” Dean asks him with a mirroring smile of his own. Sam’s own smile diminishes a bit when he realises he might have to leave Dean, if he’s not willing to leave the life behind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll tell you soon, but not yet. Anyways, how was work?” Sam asks Dean and Dean’s eyebrow cocks in amusement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alrighty then - keep your secrets. It was fine, the usual, there’s this soccer-mom type whose car’s brakes are busted, so I’m going to be fixing ‘em” Dean drawls, taking a rag from the sink and wetting it, using it to clean his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds cool,” Sam says, packing away the backs as he finishes placing away what Dean brought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam’s mood plumishes a little a few days later when their dad returns and they have to leave the town, but he doesn’t put up a fight and if Dean is watching him with slight suspicion, Sam ignores it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s in a different town, a different school, Dean with a different work, that Sam realises something crucial as he’s watching all his new classmates interact.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At college, he might get himself a girlfriend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And while it’s a little embarrassing, but Sam isn’t really sure how he’s supposed to navigate girls without Dean’s help (</span>
  <em>
    <span>because face it, there’s no way he’s going to go with you, even if his loyalty lies with you</span>
  </em>
  <span>). Sure, he’s kissed a couple girls before, even gotten a blowjob, but he’s never gone further than that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And usually those times (except for the first time he kissed a girl) he’d been… intoxicated of some kind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then again, he doesn’t quite know how to talk to anyone, not just girls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Usually on cases it’s Dean or Dad who takes the lead, and even when it’s not it’s not exactly Sam they’re trying to talk to, no, it’s someone who can help solve whatever crap might have happened to them, or someone they knew.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s tempted to ask Dean how to talk to girls (</span>
  <em>
    <span>even though he’s already done that, but hopefully he’ll be more helpful now that he’s older</span>
  </em>
  <span>) and how to just. Navigate them. Touch them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He flushes slightly, and yeah okay it’s weird that he’s considering asking his brother to sleep with him (again, much less), but hey, it’s to learn how to please a woman so surely that justifies it, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Right.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Though this means, if Dean agrees, that he’s going to bottom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Would Dean, who isn’t gay or questioning his sexuality, even do that? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even for him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, there’s one way to find out he supposes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s struck with how similar it is to when he was thirteen, when he wanted to talk to Dean about how he questioned his own sexual orientation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now that Sam thinks about it, he never brought it up again to Dean, did he?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe he should, that might make it easier for Dean to help him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mind made up, he decides to talk to Dean after dinner tonight - he thinks that with a sense of deja vu. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean still picks Sam up every day after school, so Sam walks up to Dean who’s standing by the car, since the motel they’re staying at is at the edge of town. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They exchange hellos and talk about their days (Dean has, surprisingly enough, gotten a job at a grocery) as they drive back to their room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unlike when Sam was 13 and nervous, if not scared (he doesn’t really remember), he’s feeling fine with it now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Dean agrees, he agrees, if he doesn’t, Sam’s fine with that too - He’ll just ask him about other stuff.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam supposes that there’s really no reason for him to ask Dean to sleep with him, not really, seeing as Dean would very likely just tell Sam what to do with a woman if he asked, but.. And he hates himself a little for thinking this, but he doesn’t want to be a virgin at college if he can avoid it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’d never think any less of anyone else for being a virgin, no matter how old they are, and while Sam has, technically, had sex before, he’s never done the topping.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not that he’s been with anyone but Dean, anyway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He once attempted with a guy he’d have found attractive, but he just couldn’t, well, get it going. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He found out that he wasn’t gay, just because he found a man attractive, and that’s when he realised he’d never looked at anyone and thought ‘I’d have sex with them right now’. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean has a lot of one night stands with a lot of different women, and Sam doesn’t really understand that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well, it’s not like he’s never truly thought he couldn’t be intimate with someone (Dean was an example of that after all) but he needs to talk to them first, get to know them, have a connection.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes that connection is fast, other times slow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which is also why Sam, once again, feels like asking Dean’s a safe bet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And unlike when he was 13 and Dean was the one to call Sam out on his bullshit, this time, directly after placing his plate on a drying rack, he was going to take the bull by the horns.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Dean?” Sam said, voice causal. Dean looked up from where he was cleaning guns on the table.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” He didn’t sound angry or suspicious, but kind of curious. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam goes to sit down opposite of him, Dean’s eyes tracking his motions, he places the rag he’d been using next to the disambled guns.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been thinking a lot lately-” Sam starts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t that the usual though?” Dean cuts him off, Sam huffs in irritation but doesn’t say anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About my future.” He finishes and Dean’s brow does that worry-furrow that’s specifically made for Sam.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well that doesn’t sound concerning at all” He says and Sam feels guilt wake up inside of him, because he knows Dean will be crushed when he leaves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Sam doesn’t let that stop him, he continues.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, dude not like that. I mean, now in the future, I’m soon to finish school, and there’s prom and such and I’m likely going to meet a lot of.. Attractive people” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean’s worry furrow slowly eases away and is replaced by his smirk, but Sam’s not fooled, he can still see that Dean’s trying to figure out the reason behind this conversation, because he knows Sam wouldn’t bring it up without there being one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh Sammy, you’ been appreciating the form of the people huh? You finding some girls or guys to hook up with?” He drawls at him and Sam reddens slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, both yes and no.. See, that’s, kinda why I wanted to talk”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean blinks once and Sam can read confusion and slight pride falling off of him in waves, and Sam realises Dean probably thinks Sam want’s to ask Dean how to score (</span>
  <em>
    <span>and well, he kind of is isn’t he?</span>
  </em>
  <span>) and that thought must be stroking that big-brother ego.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m all ears Sammy, how far you gone?” he asks him, eyebrows raised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh.. Well, I have realised some stuff about myself. I, well, I can’t just have sex with anyone I find attractive, I need to at least talk to them first. But that’s not the point right now.. I have received a blow job from a girl, and that’s it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean looks confused again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, what? You want to talk about how you’re still a virgin? You want tips or?” Dean asks him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I mean. Yeah, kind of. I realised that, if I ever get with a girl in the future, I will have absolutely no freaking clue on how to.. You know, touch them. Much less how to have sex with a girl.” Sam finishes and he can just feel his face being all warm and red, and okay he’s allowed to be embarrassed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam can see Dean think it over, and again see hints of pride in him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait - What do you mean by ‘Kind of’?” Dean asks and his contemplative eyes zoom in on Sam.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh” Is his glamourous reply because of course it is. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So much for taking the bull by the horns.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean nods at him, a gesture for him to continue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well. Uh. Remember.. When I was 13 and questioning my sexuality?” Sam says, and Dean’s eyes widen, and he gets a stubborn set to his shoulders, frowning slightly and- is his face flushing? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Guess that’s answer enough, hah” Sam comments awkwardly and Dean coughs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right. Well. I also remember us agreeing to never talk about it again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah I know.. And I want to promise the same for this talk, but I can’t say for certain I’m never going to not bring it back up.. And, well. I want to make a deal like that.. Again” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Deal? We didn’t make any deal, Sam-” Dean starts and Sam cuts him off because no. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knows what Dean’s going to say, he’s going to talk like somehow Dean was the one to force Sam into spreading his legs for him, but no way is he going to let him go there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t. What I’m trying to say, is that I want to have sex with you again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. Sam, not goin-” Dean starts and Sam cuts him off, again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean, hear me out. If you’re still going to say no, then I won’t bring it up again, but at least let me speak first” Sam says, and while Dean doesn’t look happy, he grunts in confirmation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks. I got to thinking that I’m 18, and a virgin at that - and while that’s not a bad thing, I.. Do kind of find it a little embarrassing. I can’t have a girlfriend while on the road, and I can’t sleep with any girls either without at least talking to them, and frankly I suck at that. Much less have the time for one night stands where I won’t know what I’m doing, so I wanted to ask you for help.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But I already know that you’re not gay, so I figured there was a huge chance you’d say no. But I still want the help, a guide through on how to.. Touch girls. Intimately.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And as I said, if you don’t want to, I get it.” Dean’s face doesn’t change much, he still looks unhappy, but he also has a considering look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, Sam.. I.. Why do you keep asking me? To sleep with you, I mean.” Dean asks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Honestly? 13 year old me’s reasons aren’t much different than to what my reasons are now, but.. I mean. It’s not because I’m gay and I think you’re easy, that’s not it. I.. Dean, I trust you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s no one else on this planet I trust as much as you. And I guess I’m also a little nervous about it. I mean I have had sex before, with you, and I mean. It’s probably not that different with a girl, but what if I do somehow mess it up? I don’t want to give myself any reasons to be excluded more than I already am.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He says and Dean’s face has softened quite a bit from his little speech.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sam. You get what you’re asking here, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Do you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I mean, I’m not a virgin.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know you’re not, but Dean you’ve never slept with a guy before” Sam says with a small smirk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean cocks a brow at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you don’t always act it but I’m pretty sure you’re a guy, Sam” He says, and Sam rolls his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, you’ve never bottomed for a guy before” He elaborates and Dean’s brows both shoot up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s thinking things over, Sam can see it, and biting the inner side of his lip.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’ll.. Let’s do it. Gotta make sure my lil’ brother is taught everything I know after all.” Dean says with another one of his signature smirks, but Sam can tell he’s nervous.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right” Sam says, trying to lighten up the atmosphere, but it’s not really helping.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He decides to just go to town rather than sit awkwardly, so Sam stands, slowly walks around the table to Dean’s side who’s watching him kind of warily, before plopping himself onto Dean’s thighs, enjoying the small ‘uff’ it brings out of his brother.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Chest to chest, he raises his hands and places his right on Dean’s jaw, his left where the side of his throat meets his shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m leading, then? Just give me pointers to what I can do better” Sam says, and he doesn’t give Dean the time to answer, just presses his lips to Dean’s. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s tentative at first, but Dean’s lips press back against his and Sam slowly sucks Dean’s lower lip between his teeth, biting it gently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean opens his mouth a little more at that in a small groan, and Sam’s tongue trails on the seam between his lips, before diving into his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean’s hands hesitantly grips Sam’s hips and Sam presses his groin downwards to meet Dean’s and Dean groans louder this time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The pressure and attention his lips are getting are starting to affect him, and he can feel Dean hardening in his own pants.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam can’t help but smirk in victory. Dean breaks the kiss, they pant into each other's mouths, eyes still closed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam hears Dean swallow, and opens his eyes to look at Dean’s red swollen lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do I do now, Dean?” Sam asks, keeping his voice low and slightly casual, to Dean it might have sounded like he’s asking about what’s for dinner, or something equally casual, but with a suggestive undertone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-you, uh. You can try and explore my uh, body or neck area with your hands or mouth.” He says, his already low voice lower with arousal. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam doesn’t answer, he just trails his hands, fingers on the surface of Dean’s face, his brow, cheekbone, mouth.  Dean’s eyes are open but half-lidded now, he’s looking at Sam as his thumb trails his lower lip, his pupils enlarge and darken his green eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He leans in to kiss him again, slow, and bites Dean’s lip again, his tongue trailing the inner side of his lip, before his mouth moves down to his jaw, biting softly on the bone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His right hand has moved into Dean’s hair, his left hand on his shoulder as he moves down further, and starts licking and kissing Dean’s throat, Dean moans beneath him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“S-Sam. You’re doing good, let’s move it to the bed, alright?” Dean suggests, and Sam kisses his jaw again before getting up on unsteady legs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s pleased to see Dean on equal footing, and he smirks to himself again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>On the way to Sam’s bed, he pulls his shirt over his head and steps out of his jeans, his long coltish legs shaking them off. Dean trails behind him, also stripping.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam turns to look at his brother, Dean’s currently taking off his boxers, exposing his hard dick, head red and shiny with precome.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> Dean looks up and catches Sam’s eyes, and no he wasn’t staring, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>smirks</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And Sam is now making it his life mission to wipe that smirk off Dean’s face and make him a goddamn </span>
  <em>
    <span>mess. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam bends down to shuck off his own boxers, standing up, dick in a similar state to Dean’s, he walks closer so they’re chest to chest again, Dean doesn’t take a step back, just looks at Sam with open curiosity. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>While Sam has legs for miles, he and Dean are about the same height, but Sam’s sure that’s going to change as he still hasn't finished growing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiles at Dean, moves a little closer, and takes both their cocks into his larger hand. Dean gasps, his knees nearly buckling in surprise, and Sam’s other hand flies around Dean’s waist to steady him as his fist puts more pressure on them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He kisses his neck again, Dean arches it for him to give him more space. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sam, bed” Dean mutters, but he doesn’t move away from Sam, Sam kisses him on the mouth a final time before letting go of them, letting Dean walk over and lay on his back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get the lube from either your nightstand or mine” Dean tells him and Sam nods, walks over to Dean’s nightstand and pulls out the small clear tube, since his own is nearly empty. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Though he usually just steals Dean’s anyways, but whatever.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He walks over to Dean and sits on his knees between his brother’s legs, Dean spreads them a little more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The lube’s going to be cold, so warm it up first. It’s also a good thing to use when with a girl, while she may be wet, not all girls are the same so the extra glide can be really helpful” Dean says and Sam writes it down in his mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When you buy lube though, make sure it’s internal safe, and not just for external use” he says and Sam blinks, wondering for a moment why there exists lube for only external use. He looks at the clear bottle and sure enough, there’s a ‘safe for internal use’ marker at the bottom. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam sees Dean stroke his dick a couple of times (likely to keep himself in the mood as he does it step by step for Sam) and clicks open the tube, remembering what his brother told him, he spreads it on a couple of fingers and kneads them together, warming the lube. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He moves closer to Dean, his other hand at his thighs, lifting very slightly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Remember Sam, always go for foreplay first, experiment a little and be sure to let the girl know whats up and what not” Dean tells him as his fingers slide back towards his hole, circling around it, barely giving any pressure, watching Dean’s face intently. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He presses his ring finger in first, going slow to let Dean adjust to it, he stops at his knuckle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You feel alright, Dean?” He asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.. I, it’s not - It doesn’t hurt ‘f that’s whatcha mean. Just.. Feels funny, ‘s all.” Dean tells him and Sam nods, sliding his finger back out, repeating the motion slowly. When Dean’s breathing deeps again, he adds his middle finger. He keeps both fingers at the second joint before sliding up to his knuckles, and Dean hisses slightly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You okay?” he asks and Dean rolls his eyes at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah Samantha, I’m fine. It stung slightly but nothing I can’t handle, keep going” He says, and Sam nods but goes slow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He scissors his fingers, stretching them back and forth, adjusting his wrist Dean’s eyes open fully and he gasps.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do that again” He says and Sam blinks, but obeys.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tentatively brushes back over that spot with his fingers and Dean moans, deep in his throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-wow that is good, I can see why so many people like anal, damn.” He says and Sam snorts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Think you’re ready for another finger?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure, go for it,” Dean says, and Sam adds another one, slower than when he added his middle finger. Dean doesn’t hiss out loud but Sam sees his jaw tense. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean, if a girl’s nervous, or she’s like, into it but at the same time not? If you understand?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You talkin consent? Cause consent’s everything dude”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I mean. If, let’s say, you’re uh, fing..ering a girl, and she looks like it’s a little uncomfortable, like say she’s a virgin, what would you do?” Sam asks, hoping Dean won’t refuse to answer just because it’s obvious he’s talking about him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh.. I would either add more lube, distract her with other touches? Try to make her feel more at ease.” He says and Sam thinks about it, about what could distract Dean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looks at his brother, whose legs are spread for him, with his fingers up his ass and dick half hard.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He also thinks, huh, screw it, if it works it works.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He adjusts himself a little, hand moving in slow motions as he leans down to kiss Dean, licking the inside of his lip, before repeating his earlier actions of kissing his jaw, throat, and moves down his torso. Dean’s watching him curiously as Sam makes his way down and gasps in both surprise and pleasure when Sam takes Dean’s head into his mouth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He thinks back to the blowjob he once received and tries to replicate what she did as best as possible, firstly by taking Dean’s length into his mouth and down his throat as far as possible, before releasing it with a loud ‘pop’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He licks from the crown down the shaft and stops at the balls, before going back up, his bottom teeth scraping very lightly as to not hurt, just for added pressure (</span>
  <em>
    <span>at least he hopes so anyway</span>
  </em>
  <span>), his hand speeds up slightly, and he feels his saliva drip down to meet his fingers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Taking Dean’s head back into his mouth, he presses his tongue onto the slit, hollowing his cheeks and sucking, he feels Dean’s legs and thighs shake, which he takes as a weirdly placed pride, seeing as it’s likely quite slobby. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His hand speeds up a little more, now a steady rhythm and Sam bobs his head in time with his wrist.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sammy s-stop, please” Dean says and Sam removes his hand carefully so as to not hurt Dean and lifts his head as fast as possible. Dean tries to catch his breath, eyes barely open as he looks at Sam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up, you okay?” Sam asks, using his other hand, the one without the lube, to wipe away the saliva and precome that’s dripped down his chin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Y-yeah. But if you kept going, I would have cum, dude. Where did you learn to blow a guy like that? Holy fuck” Dean says, voice low and raspy and Sam smiles, all snarky relief.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Honestly? You’re the first one. I tried to copy the girl who once gave me one, but I wasn’t sure I was doing it right.” Dean’s brows raise in a ‘seriously?’ before lowering them quickly, as to not give Sam any ammo for future remarks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m ready” Dean says and Sam nods (he’s doing that a lot huh), squirting some more lube onto his hand, and lubing himself up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Moving closer, he uses his slick hand to line up his dick with Dean’s entrance, his other hand holding up Dean’s thigh for better access. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He starts to push, very slow (he’s a lot thicker than his fingers after all) and he sees Dean’s concentrating on breathing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A moment later and his balls are pressed up agaisn’t Dean’s ass, and Sam jerks Dean a couple of times while he lets his brother adjust.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me when I can move.” Sam says, Dean nods at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, go” He says and Sam uses both hands to hold Dean’s hips, slowly drawing back out before going back in, setting up a rhythm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He angles his hips a little differently, and hits the spot from earlier, Dean moans and tries to spread his legs further, Sam picks up the pace a little and leans down to kiss him, slow and deep, breaking it only to look at Dean’s flushed face, counting his brothers freckles, and Sam thinks he’s probably not supposed to look at them and think ‘This is the closest Dean and I have ever been connected’, he also thinks he’s not supposed to like it this much, looking at his brother’s swollen mouth shiny with his saliva, or enjoy it when he moans. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How’s this, the pace and such?” Sam asks between breaths and Dean blinks a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s great, slow and sensual are always enjoyable. Some girls though aren’t as sensitive as others, so while you’re going at it, it’s always a good idea to massage above her opening with your thumb” Dean answers, matter of factly and Sam nods. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean doesn’t have the same anatomy as most women though, so Sam settles for jerking him off, timing it to match the slow thrust of his hips. Dean’s breathing speeds up slightly and Sam feels his walls tighten around his dick as Dean comes onto his hands, Sam keeps moving his hand until Dean’s done.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam pulls out (carefully, of course), and after kissing him on his forehead, he moves to the kitchen to get his brother some water to drink. He finds a reused water bottle in the fridge, takes a deep gulp before walking back to the bed and handing it to Dean, who accepts it gratefully.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam watches his brothers adam's apple bob as he swallows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hands the empty bottle back to him, and Sam places it on the floor before looking back at Dean.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You did great Sam, you’re going to master any girl you meet” He says smiling, moving to clasp him on the shoulder before he gets up. Sam gets up as well and grabs Dean’s arm, moving back into his space as Dean blinks confusingly at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I still haven’t come, Dean. Your refractory period isn’t that bad yet, or is it, old man?” Sam asks, trying to put as much mockery and challenge into his voice as possible and Dean’s eyes look down at Sam’s still hard-ish dick before looking back up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam knows Dean must know it’s a challenge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He swallows before smiling weakly at Sam.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So you want to fuck me twice, is that it, Sammy?” he asks, and Sam freaking </span>
  <em>
    <span>yodels </span>
  </em>
  <span>in victory on the inside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then show me what you got, little brother” Dean says, his eyes darkening rapidly and Sam feels like something has snapped because damn </span>
  <em>
    <span>that is hot and that shouldn’t be that fucking hot.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He picks Dean up, who looks surprised for all of two seconds before he attacks Sam’s mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam bites Dean’s lip, breaking the kiss and practically throws his brother onto the already soiled bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He takes Dean’s wrists in one hand, his other hand landing back on Dean’s thigh, tongue trailing up from Dean’s sack, his shaft, abdomen and ending at his jaw, giving it a couple nibbles.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He raises his head a little and marvels at his work, Dean’s skin shining with his saliva before going back down, this time stopping at Dean’s inner thigh. He bites it harshly, breaking the skin and making Dean hiss and trashing in Sam’s grip. He licks it apologetically after, taking away any blood that might have risen to the surface. He slowly raises his torso, staring down at the red bite and up at Dean’s face, watching his brother pant with his mouth slightly open.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He smirks, and lines himself up again with Dean’s hole, entering in one slow push, keeping eye contact all the while. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lets go of Dean’s thigh for a moment, caressing his brother's face and smiles down at him, sweet and loving, and Dean looks a little confused before letting himself go in the slow and sensual moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or, that’s what he thinks, anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His sweet smile morphs while he starts pulling out, still slow, until he’s smirking all mirth and mockery.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s almost all the way out, he stops and </span>
  <em>
    <span>slams </span>
  </em>
  <span>back in, holding Dean’s wrists in an even harder grip as he hears his brother’s air leave his lungs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He continues like that, setting a harsh pace, pulling nearly out and slamming back, enjoying Dean’s grunts and moans as if it was the best sound he’s ever heard and damn if he could record it and burn a cd with it, he would. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He places small, open mouthed kisses here and there on Dean’s torso, licking his way to Dean’s throat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam watches in astonishment, watches it move and quiver beneath his touch as Dean does his best to breathe. He feels Dean’s pulse beneath his lips, and he’s so overwhelmed by the feeling of being near his brother, his best friend, his world that he opens his mouth, nibbles a little before biting down so harshly Dean jerks in his grip and Sam can taste iron on his tongue.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He lifts his head to look Dean in the eye and finally lets go of his brothers, likely, bruised wrists.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He kisses Dean, letting him get a taste of himself on Sam’s tongue, the taste of his blood, sweat and precome. Dean moves his hands a little and Sam can’t help it, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>growls </span>
  </em>
  <span>in Dean’s mouth, and Dean whimpers, actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>whimpers.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> Dean’s hands move slowly to Sam’s back and upper shoulders, Sam lets him. He picks up the speed of his hips, just a little, but it’s enough for Dean’s fingernails to scorch red lines into his skin, the pain adding to the bliss, thinking back to biting and marking Dean up, the scent of his brothers blood, and the look in his eyes as Sam’s teeth pierce his skin - and Sam almost cums right then and there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He breaks the kiss and moves back down to his throat, licking away the blood that’s starting to flow from the bite and maybe also to keep listening to Dean’s noises.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His brothers hands keep trailing down Sam’s back, and Dean lifts his legs, trying to circle Sam’s hips and Sam angles himself differently, going faster, setting the pace at an almost ruthless speed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Sam knows, with all the mischief he can pack into his smile as he looks at Dean’s glassy eyes that’s barely following Sam, he knows that if he thrusts just a little more to the left..</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He does so, and Dean actually moans so loud it sounds like he’s screaming. He kisses his brother a final time, biting his lip harshly enough to break the delicate skin there, and he thinks he might become addicted to the sweet iron tang of Dean. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He continually hits Dean’s spot with a fast pace and Sam feels Dean’s walls clench around him again as his brother comes, hoarsely whispering ‘Sammy’ and that’s enough for Sam to tense up as well, the slow burning fire that’s been stirring at the base of his spine suddenly boiling over and Sam shoots his load into his brother, kissing Dean again (</span>
  <em>
    <span>and okay he keeps saying it’s a the final time, but this time he truly means it!</span>
  </em>
  <span>) slowing his thrusts, riding out his and Dean’s orgasms before he pulls out slowly. Dean still hisses though and Sam feels maybe a little bad. But not too much.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Coming down from his orgasmic high, Sam can’t keep himself up on his arms anymore and nearly crashes down onto Dean, he manages to land beside him and not on top of him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He snakes an arm around Dean’s midsection, breathing in his brothers scent, and the smell of sex undeniably, and he’s starting to feel slightly more bad.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s surprised for a moment that Dean’s not fussing about cuddling with Sam (</span>
  <em>
    <span>because sex is apparently arlight but god forbid they cuddle</span>
  </em>
  <span>) but then he realises Dean’s passed out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiles, achy and sated, and realises they’re both still very sticky and sweaty.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam doesn’t really want to leave the bed, but he weights the options in his mind and he’d much rather deal with a grumpy clean-ish Dean rather than a grumpy Dean who’s also very sticky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he himself would prefer being clean too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He gets up from the bed, goes to find a washcloth that he wets with tepid, not really warm, water before going back to the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cleans Dean’s neck, face, stomach and thighs before he lifts his brother into the other bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Going to his own duffle, since it’s closer, he pulls out two pairs of boxers and two shirts and wonders briefly if this was how it was for Dean back when he was the one that passed out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He slides the first pair over Dean’s nicely formed hip bones, and dresses him in one of Sam’s shirts, before he rinses the washcloth out and cleans himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Semi-clean and dressed, he lifts the sheets, crawling in behind Dean, an arm around his brother's midsection again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His last thought before falling asleep is how he’s never felt as alive as he did while connected with his brother, and how he’s not surprised considering how </span>
  <em>
    <span>unclean </span>
  </em>
  <span>he is. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>When Sam wakes up, he’s not sure how long he’s been asleep, but he feels Dean, still asleep in his arms and thanks the world for small favors.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He kisses his brother's neck, allowing himself that last piece of intimacy before getting up. He glances at the clock mounted on the wall and sees it’s little past eight in the morning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pulling on his jeans and a hoodie, he decides to go out and get Dean some coffee and maybe see if there’s any cheap doughnuts available.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He writes a note and places it on the nightstand next to Dean so he doesn’t freak if he wakes up before Sam comes back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a gas station a short five minutes walk away from their motel and Sam decides that’ll have to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>At the station and in the store, he picks up a black coffee for Dean, and a coffee with milk, sugar and hazelnut sirup for himself and is pleased to see there is, in fact, a deal about cheap doughnuts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grabs two frosted, and a chocolate doughnut for his brother and two plain for himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pays the uninterested clerk, who wishes him a good day sir in a tired voice, Sam just smiles.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he gets back, he opens the door as quietly as possible, taking a peek and sees Dean awake, sitting up against the headboard with ruffled hair, one hand holding the note he wrote, the other rubbing at his neck where Sam bit him. Right. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He walks up to the bed and sits down besides Dean, handing him the coffee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean looks at the coffee, at Sam, back at the cup and takes it in his hand, taking a long grateful gulp. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still holding the coffee, Dean rubs at his eyes with one hand before looking around in the room, eyes landing at the other bed, still in the same state as last night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He blinks before looking down at himself, then up at Sam, who’s watching Dean take it all in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You changed my clothes?” He asks Sam, voice gruff and scratchy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh. Kind of?” He answers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean either doesn’t notice that he’s wearing Sam’s clothing, or he just doesn’t mention it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam’s not going to say anything, either way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sees Dean watching the bag Sam’s holding and Sam smiles.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I brought you some doughnuts” he says and Dean’s eyes light up in wonder and Sam’s once more reminded of how childlike Dean is sometimes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam hands him the bag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I bought you two glazed and a chocolate. The plain ones are for me” Sam says and Dean nods at him, already having one glazed doughnut in his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They eat, mostly in silence, the sound of Dean’s loud eating filling the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they’re done, Sam crumbles up the bag and throws it into the trash bin that's standing in the corner near the bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean stretches, and Sam watches his shirt riding up slightly, blinks, and looks up at Dean’s face, hoping he wasn’t caught looking.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Though why would it matter if he was? Huh, Sam? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“So. I’m gonna take a shower because frankly I feel gross.” Dean says, moving to get up suddenly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gets up, but winces when he tries to take a step and Sam tries his hardest to not laugh because he’s not in the mood of being shot right now, thank you. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That task becomes increasingly harder as he watches the way Dean waddles to the bathroom, and as soon as he’s inside of it, Sam lets a chuckle loose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean flips him the bird.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam doesn’t bother hiding his laugh after that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Looking at the other bed, his bed actually, he thinks he might as well make himself useful while Dean’s in the shower, so he gets up and starts undressing the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hears Dean wobbling out of the bathroom and turns to look at his brother, who’s balling up Sam’s shirt before throwing it at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Holy fuck Sam, seriously?” He says, pointing at the different bite marks Sam gave him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam flushes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I didn’t know better, I’d suspect you of being a vampire” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam flushes even harder at that, feeling his face heat up at the memories of last night.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vampires aren’t real..” he mumbles, he thinks Dean doesn’t hear him, but Dean flips him off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly!” He says before waddling back into the bathroom, and Sam resumes stripping the bed of it’s sheets. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he’s re-dressing the bed, all he can think is how much of a freak he really is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d had sex with his brother, gay incestous sex, three times now.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And he wouldn’t mind doing it again.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Part 5 (end)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean wakes up.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Sam finishes re-living the memory there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay I know I said it wouldn’t make my ears bleed any less, but shit. Fucking, crap. Sam what is wrong with you? How could you think about asking your brother, your fucking brother, to teach you how to fuck a girl right? Why in the world would you even consider that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>John says, practically shouts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seeing as I also took his virginity when he was 18, I didn’t think it’d matter much.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t seriously mean that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Honestly? I get that it’s disgusting and horrible, but it’s not like it’d make me any less of a freak. We always moved, and the only person I trusted even remotely enough to let down my guard around was Dean. Doesn’t mean it’s okay, or any less messed up, but it could have been worse.” Sam says and he can tell John really wants to glare at him right now, but he’s still driving so he obviously can’t do that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When this is over, I want you and Dean to stop hunting together.” John says and Sam’s whole world freezes over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because sure, Sam could just ignore his father's orders, in fact he likely will, but Dean?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s no one in this world who Dean respects more than their dad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John smiles at him, though it looks more like a grimace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? You think that just because Dean’s always been babying you, he wouldn’t leave you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam blinks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You already left him Sam, trust me when I say that Dean’s not going to have a problem with this.” John Says and Sam can’t think, can’t even begin to consider it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wills himself to shut it down, the thoughts, the fear, the feelings about it, steeling himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam doesn’t answer his dad, and John doesn’t seem to care, but Sam sees a winning smile on his features, he tries to not let that bother him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rest of the ride is silent, no music, not even the sound of them breathing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just a tense silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t know how much time they spend in that silence, but before he knows it they’re parking at the hospital. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>John brings the bottle from the backseat with him, hides it in his inner jacket pocket together with the feather. Sam awkwardly just trails along after his dad, wondering if Dean’s following.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In Dean’s room, Sam sits by the bed, ready to press the call and assist button, and pretends he doesn’t feel John’s glare at what Sam guesses is how close Sam is to his brother.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John opens up Dean’s hospital gown, and smacks Sam’s hand away when he attempts to roll it up, Sam doesn’t move after that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s quick work, writing the symbols onto Dean’s bare skin with the feather, and Sam watches as John lays the white, now stained tool onto Dean’s chest, right above where his heart is (thankfully) beating.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He holds his breath, the symbols light up in white before being absorbed into the skin, and the feather crumbles and disappears as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam doesn’t dare blink, doesn’t dare exhale or move, as he sees movement beneath Dean’s eyelid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He finally allows himself to cry when Dean’s eyes fly open.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>----</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first thing he feels when he wakes up is rage, then pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He blinks, looking around the room he’s in, white walls and sterilization? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hospital, then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He attempts to move, to do anything, but his body feels heavy, extremely so, and his throat.. Burns, he groans and hears someone startle awake.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks to the side and sees Sam sitting in a chair, dark rings under his eyes, hair a mess and face full of so much relief Dean has to look away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He feels hands on his shoulder, helping him sit up, and realises with confusion it’s not Sam who’s helping him, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>dad</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam himself looks like he wants to crush Dean in a hug, but is holding himself back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not that Dean minds, he’s not interested in making any chick flick moments right now, thank you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A straw is placed near his lips and Dean drinks, his parched throat screaming in relief at the soothing coolness of the tepid water.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How’re you feeling, son?” his father asks and Dean has to think about it, trying not to let it sound too uneasy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh. Tired? I think.” He answers, voice scratchy and his dad nods and smiles.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean looks at Sam again, who’s clasping his hands together nervously, who looks like he’s going to start weeping any moment now and guess he’s not gonna avoid that moment now huh?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tries for a reassuring smile, before he reaches out to take one of Sam’s hands in his.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I will allow one chick flick moment for now. Go ahead, Sammy. Enjoy it while it lasts” Dean says, and expects his brother to almost leap from the chair and into his arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What he’s not expecting is the nervous, maybe slightly afraid look Sam casts their father.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean’s smile dims at that, sparing a glance at his father and sees him not just looking, downward glaring a </span>
  <em>
    <span>warning </span>
  </em>
  <span>at Sam.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And okay, what did Dean miss? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean drags Sam down to him anyways, and gives him a single armed hug and only then does Sam let go, and starts clinging to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean’s hands move in slow circles for comfort on Sam’s back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looks at their father, who’s barely hiding a scowl- and is that disgust on his face?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Huh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, what’s the situation?” He directs the question at his father, who looks momentarily surprised before gaining his earlier ‘composure’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you remember?” He asks, and Dean thinks it over, hearing a hidden meaning in the question, but he’s unsure of what it is.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I remember we crashed…?” He says, but while he says it it sounds more like he’s asking for confirmation rather than giving it, and to be fair, he doesn’t actually remember the car crash. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He also has a vague memory of being at Bobby’s looking through cabinets, but he’s not sure how he’s supposed to place that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, were we at Bobby’s recently?” He asks, but it’s directed at both of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John shakes his head no, Sam draws back slightly to look at him and he reads the question in his brother's eyes ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>how much do you know?’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>But he also sees a ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>be careful, tread lightly’</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The air seems to change a little, going from relieved to tense, or was it already like that before he woke? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened after the crash?” He inquires as casually as possible, taking Sam’s warnings to heart, watching his father’s every move, ready to spot any lies or wrongs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s going to ask Sam about it later when they’re alone anyway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His father looks at Sam, then Dean, and Dean realises he’s trying to analyse them both.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t know how to feel about actually thinking of keeping his guard up around his dad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me and Sam were fine. You, on the other hand, have been in a nearly brain dead coma..We consulted a witch, she gave us a spell to heal you.” He tells Dean, and Dean knows his father’s telling the truth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he also knows it’s the barest form for truth, and that there’s more to it than that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You woke up after we performed the spell, but you were pretty out of it, so the nurses gave you a sedative, since you were going to hurt yourself trying to get yourself free from all the machinery like that” he adds and Dean nods, unsure of what else to say.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sam stands up and nods at him, and mumbles something about getting a nurse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean isn’t going to fill the silence that follows after his brother leaves, but when he glances at his father, he doesn’t like what he sees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looks regretful. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barely five minutes pass till Sam comes back with a nurse, her short brown hair bobbing as she smiles at Dean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s truly a miracle to see you so well. I’m just going to perform some basic tests, and if you do well enough, we’ll send you home with your family. Sound good?” She says, talking to him kinda like how one would a puppy, but he just nods at her, longing to get out of this place, tiredness be damned. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They take a blood sample as well as give him a regular check up, and now they’re all standing in Dean’s hospital room waiting for the blood results.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Throughout the day, he’s noticed that Sam’s been careful not to touch him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stand next to him? Sure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But besides from the hug Dean initiated, nada.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He won’t even really look at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’re standing around awkwardly, their dad pacing the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So..” Dean starts, might as well get it out of the way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What now?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His father stops, and looks at him with a slightly irritated expression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re still waiting for the lab results. Weren’t you listening?” he says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I meant the hunt.. What do we do now? Split up again or keep searchin’?” Dean asks, and he sees Sam still in the corner of his eye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, that was what I was thinking. Sam and I are going to be lookin’ for leads down south, you’re going to search up omens in patterns anywhere else.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean blinks, and tries to wrap his head around the order.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam and </span>
  <em>
    <span>Him? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You and Sam? Come on, Dad, you two can’t be around each other for too long without constantly pressing your buttons. Sam and I’ll head south, you-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That wasn’t a suggestion, Dean. That was an </span>
  <em>
    <span>order</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” His dad cuts him off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean has to suppress saying ‘Yes, sir’ at this, every alarm ringing in his head that something’s off, somethings not right. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I.. I don’t understand, what’s going on here?” Dean finally asks, voice quiet even though he wants to shout.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean, Sam can’t keep being babied by you like this, he has to learn to hunt with others.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His brow furrow, the ringing in his head basically a siren now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t make sense. You raised us, me in particular, to watch out for each other, to only trust each other.” Why is he changing his mind, what happened while he was out? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You two will split up and </span>
  <em>
    <span>stay </span>
  </em>
  <span>that way - it’s an order, Dean. Do you understand?” John says, more like yells, and he steps closer to them, fist clenching at his side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean wants to fight his dad, wants to keep staying with Sam, wants to get the damn answers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wants too much.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s about to listen, to obey, when a picture, more like a short movie, flashes behind his eyes.</span>
</p><p><span>Their father, staring Sam down, and no, no, no he’s going to hurt him, he’s going to </span><em><span>hurt Sammy</span></em><span> and he</span><em><span> can’t, </span></em><em><span>won’t</span></em> <span>let </span><em><span>anybody</span></em><span> fucking put a finger on him, no way -</span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span> and then his father is flying across the room, away from Sammy, not able to hurt him, Sammy’s fine - and then it’s over.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s blinking, clearing away the rest of the picture, looking back up at his father who’s still close but the absoloute rage has left his face and he looks slightly worried and Sam’s hand is on his shoulder and he’s speaking to him, isn’t he? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dean!” Sam half shouts and he jumps, turning his head, the last piece of.. Was that a memory? Gone from his mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Were you gonna hurt Sam?” Dean asks their father who looks slightly taken aback. Sam’s hand leaves his shoulder as if he was burned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His father doesn’t answer, mouth set in a grim line and that’s answer enough isn’t it?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why? Why would-” he starts, nearly advancing on John but Sam’s hand back on his shoulder stops him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Dean.” he says and Dean doesn’t like the ashamed, guilty look on his brother's face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay? How in the fuck is that okay?!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He knows. Dad knows.” Sam says and avert his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean’s confused, doesn’t quite understand what Sam means, but the moments from the day, Sam avoiding him, their father’s barely hidden disgust, </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanting to split them up</span>
  </em>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>, shit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks back at his father, who’s no longer hiding his anger and disgust at his sons and Dean understands him, he truly does.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I get it. Why it all seemed so tense. Why you want to seperate us”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>John smiles at that, directs it at Sam, he’s obviously taken it as Dean’s submission.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I’m not going to split up with Sam. I have to make sure he’s safe.” He says, and John’s smile is gone so quick Dean feels like he’s supposed to get some sort of whiplash.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks at his brother, who looks surprised, but there’s also a ‘oh thank god’ set to his shoulders and Dean feels slightly guilty for even considering actually splitting from Sam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam, who was afraid Dean was gonna leave him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And who wouldn’t even try to stop him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dean can’t do that to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>John looks about two seconds away from starting a fist fight, but the clicking of heels on a hard floor has them all look at the door, where the nurse from before strides in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s holding a clipboard and a bag that, presumably, holds Dean’s clothes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good news. Your results came back looking normal, I don’t know how this happened, but you’re completely healthy. No sign that an accident ever happened.” She says, slightly flabbergasted, but Dean just breathes a sigh of relief. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He takes the bag from her and starts dressing right there, not caring, he just wants to get out on the road-...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shit Sam, hows baby?” he asks his brother who startles, before laughing nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s at Bobby’s place.” Sam says, and Dean smiles at him, guessing they’ll have to steal a car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>John leaves after that. Doesn’t even look at them, but as they stalk around the parking lot at a nearby diner, he figures that their father’ll come around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or maybe not, but at least Sam’s here.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They steal a white car and fiddle with the radio.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Mirror Mirror, on the wall”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean slaps Sam’s hand away from the radio as the beginning of ‘Snowblind’ starts playing.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“The face you’ve shown me, scares me so”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He smiles at his brother who gives him a bitchface.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Thought that I could call your bluff</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But now the lines are clear enough</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Life's not pretty, even though,I tried so hard to make it so”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He turns up the volume.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Mornings are such cold distress</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How did I ever get into this mess”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He opens his mouth, singing along to the chorus together with Tommy Shaw.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Now I’m snowblind, can’t live without you!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cause you're so fine, I just can't get away</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yes, I'm snowblind, snowblind, snowblind” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He puts extra emphasis on the last snowblind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sings it loud, and off key, but the fond, annoyed look on Sam’s face is worth it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Harmless and innocent, you devil in white</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You stole my will without a fight.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You filled me with confidence, but you blinded my eyes</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You tricked me with visions of paradise”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His brother's hand lands on Dean’s thigh, and his fingers tap along to Dean’s heartbeat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean keeps singing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Mirror, mirror, I confess</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can't escape this emptiness</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No more reasons to pretend</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Here comes that same old feeling again”</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading.<br/>I might revisit this and make a short (ha) epilogue of how the relationship between them and their father is now.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>